Death Boxes

cars are deathboxes to me. here's yet another issue i have. i despise cars. everything about them. i used to LOVE driving around and listening to music. i couldn't wait to turn 16 to be able to drive! i thrived on shifting into gears and racing away from all my worries. now, my worries sit on four wheels in driveways and on roadways. i hate to drive. i hate to be a passenger. i hate that cars are such horrible pollutants. i'm lucky as my husband and i carpool together thus one car stays at home so we're not creating as much toxins as we could be but we are still contributing nonetheless. i miss driving a standard. i miss not being scared of cars.

i also have a few weather issues. my driving issues are intensified HORRIBLY when bad weather is thrown into the mix. it's debilitating honestly. i rode with my father today to a dance lesson to a suburb about 30 minutes from where we are located. it was misty and foggy and i thought my lunch would soon be on my lap from the nerves. not to mention we were on the highway which i don't even care for on sunny days!

my driving and weather issues are about to send me back into therapy. truly.

tonight i am supposed to attend a girls' night ornament exchange in the same aforementioned suburb but after my experience earlier, i called the host, explained the situation and have bowed out. she's been in the car with me during some of my 'moments' and understands. it sucks though, for lack of a better word. it just sucks. i HATE that i let these fears get the best of me. i figure though, it's better for me to stay at home rather than be scared and jumpy and endangering not only myself but other motorists on the roadways. as for being a passenger with someone else, i trust very few people behind the wheel. my father is one of those few and if i was such a wreck with him, i don't believe anyone else will be much better.

it's time for me to live in a city with amazing public transportation; where i need no car; where my weather fears only involve what type of shoes to wear. but for now, i'm here and i must deal.

*sigh*

i wish everyday was fall-like weather. i wish i had a teletranporter. i wish i could fly like i do in my dreams. running start and i'm off.....