well, i didn't go to yoga when i had mentioned i would before BUT i did go last night! and it was wonderful. it was a small class at the ymca and i was honestly quite nervous about going! i hadn't been in a few years so i was worried i may be a tad bit rusty, thought everyone may already know everyone and was worried that i may somehow make a fool of myself which is a possibility in any situation i'm apart of. but alas, none of that happened and it was great. the first few minutes, we sat in the dark focusing on breathing. this calms the mind and body and prepares you to be fully aware of your stretches. during this time, i felt several tears run down my face as i was so happy to be there, so happy to be calming myself, so happy to be taking time for me. the smell of my mat brought me back to some very wonderful feelings that i have missed for quite a long time. the sound of the serene music made me miss days past. needless to say, the stretching broke me right back into the swing of things and i will definitely be returning. soon.
on another note, today was the 'food' party where i teach esl. this is an end-of-the-semester event where all of the students and instructors bring homemade food from their native countries and share with everyone. following this is a dancing portion which is always a hoot. yes, i said hoot. the food is AMAZING and there's always enough for an army and a half. this semester, i convinced my mother into joining me which was quite a joy for me to have one of my parents see where i teach and meet my students. i think she quite enjoyed herself and is glad she went. the dancing was especially amusing this semester as a college employee who looked to be about 90 years old, joined the group who was learning a dance set to a hip hop song. there were two instances where i thought i might shat myself i was laughing so hard at her - 1) when everyone 'got low', she got as low as she could too. heelarious. 2) when everyone swiveled their hips around and around and she did as well! i kinda wish i was related to her ;) every semester i attend that event, i reflect upon it and know that i've found what i'm supposed to be doing...it's a great great feeling.
side note to the other note ;) ANOTHER one of my students asked me if i was pregnant today. within this semester THREE of my students from completely different cultures have inquired as to whether or not i'm knocked up! it confuses me so because in my everyday life, people tell me that i look like i've been losing weight left and right but apparently, people from Syria, Columbia and Vietnam take weight loss as a sign of pregnancy???
no, i am not pregnant. thank you very much.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Slowing the Mental Roll
hmm. i don't really have too much to say other than i am doing my best at NOT writing a paper and am discovering so many different ways to procrastinate! blogging would be one of them, obviously :) it's funny, when i'm driving or in the shower or whatever, i'm forever 'blogging' in my head. my thoughts NEVER stop (i find it to be a curse honestly) and i always think to myself that i should blog about whatever it is that i am incessantly obsessing over...and then i sit down to do so, and i don't know what to write. i suppose i can write about that though - the fact that i can't slow my mind.
i'm in the middle of reading Eat, Pray, Love and am in the midst of the section where she is focusing on improving her meditative practices. she speaks about not being able to stop her mind; about how she will sit and meditate while thinking about things. i know exactly what she is talking about. even when i purposely try and slow my mind and not focus on anything, all i do is think more. it drives me batty. i've always been that way though. i'm a bit of an obsessive person in general; some have even attributed ocd to the list of adjectives that could describe me. i'm overly organized, too timely, i think everything through WAY too much, i play with the 'what ifs', and so forth. this type of thinking feeds into my anxiety issues i tend to exhibit as well. another thing i wish SO badly i could control. did i mention i have control issues? ;) i'm full of issues! sometimes i wonder if i'm crazy, honestly. then i realize, i'd be crazy if i wasn't all of these things - this is who i am. so what do i do? what can i do?
years ago, i was hugely into yoga and that proved to be a wonderfully fullfilling activity i partook in but my involvement in that - se fue. (in spanish, when playing with a child and you hide something behind your back and want to say 'where did it go?' you can say 'se fue' literally meaning 'it went'. i love that expression). so with my upcoming graduation in the near future, i have been making a mental list of all of these things i'd like to take up starting in january - german classes (know a lot but have never been formally taught - it's about time :), silver smithing classes, small business classes, and most importantly, yoga. i miss it. i need it. i plan on attending a class tomorrow night if one of my teaching classes doesn't go too late. i'm quite excited about it. i'm excited about slowing my mind down...at least for a couple of hours.
i'm in the middle of reading Eat, Pray, Love and am in the midst of the section where she is focusing on improving her meditative practices. she speaks about not being able to stop her mind; about how she will sit and meditate while thinking about things. i know exactly what she is talking about. even when i purposely try and slow my mind and not focus on anything, all i do is think more. it drives me batty. i've always been that way though. i'm a bit of an obsessive person in general; some have even attributed ocd to the list of adjectives that could describe me. i'm overly organized, too timely, i think everything through WAY too much, i play with the 'what ifs', and so forth. this type of thinking feeds into my anxiety issues i tend to exhibit as well. another thing i wish SO badly i could control. did i mention i have control issues? ;) i'm full of issues! sometimes i wonder if i'm crazy, honestly. then i realize, i'd be crazy if i wasn't all of these things - this is who i am. so what do i do? what can i do?
years ago, i was hugely into yoga and that proved to be a wonderfully fullfilling activity i partook in but my involvement in that - se fue. (in spanish, when playing with a child and you hide something behind your back and want to say 'where did it go?' you can say 'se fue' literally meaning 'it went'. i love that expression). so with my upcoming graduation in the near future, i have been making a mental list of all of these things i'd like to take up starting in january - german classes (know a lot but have never been formally taught - it's about time :), silver smithing classes, small business classes, and most importantly, yoga. i miss it. i need it. i plan on attending a class tomorrow night if one of my teaching classes doesn't go too late. i'm quite excited about it. i'm excited about slowing my mind down...at least for a couple of hours.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Bad Teacher! Bad!
so i'm a teacher. in addition to teaching, i'm also a student. some would argue that teachers are perpetual students as they are forever learning from their students and i certainly don't disagree with that as my students teach me daily! i truly am a student though. i receive grades, i write papers, i do homework and so forth. that being said, i've been a student for eons and i've finally reached my final semester of my masters degree (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). this degree has taken me much longer to complete than my undergrad did but that is expected when living a life, paying for school oneself and working full time. i pride myself on being an effective and approachable teacher who holds my students to their responsibilities esp their homework and i use myself as an example when they complain about being too busy to do their schoolwork - i work two jobs, i go to school, i have a small side business in the creative industries and so on...and tonight i've failed and cannot use myself as an example for that comparison any longer...or at least for a week. i say this because i arrived tonight at my class after convincing myself to go (i must say this last semester has found me less than enthused to attend class or care as much as i have in the past) i arrived finding other classmates working on homework that i had forgotten about! with ten minutes before class was to start, i made the executive decision to leave. i skipped class. i'm a teacher and i skipped class. bad teacher! my remorse is short lived though - don't worry :) i've not missed a class this semester and have spent the day working on papers so i feel as though it's okay that i missed. oh, and during this time that i should be in class, i've taken the dog for a walk, worked on the homework i forgot to do and am now blogging which is horribly important.
moving on from all of this but still in the same family of topics, you may be wondering what and who i teach and what i study. or maybe you could give two sh*ts. whatever your thoughts, i will share regardless. i'm never one for a lack of words. i teach english as a second language to adult second language learners. it's the most rewarding job i could ever imagine. i feel as though i was born to do this. i've always had an affinity for those from other lands, for languages other than my own and to help people learn new things.
*side note: you may be thinking to yourself "yeah, what an english teacher this is! no capitalization, misspelled words and misused punctuation!" here's my response to that - everyday, all day long i have to be proper and correct and when i'm sharing my thoughts and feelings on this, i care not to be proper and correct but rather just share what's in my head. so there*
my teaching and schooling makes me look at the world and its inhabitants in such a different way. it often amazes me the ethnocentricity that SO many cultures exercise. i will venture to say that americans (which i am as well) are the worst of that. it saddens me. but i try and break that in everyone that i can. once we realize that it's not all about us, perhaps we'll look at this world as a WORLD and not land divided by borders.
hmm. nothing else really to say now except i'm ready for dinner :)
moving on from all of this but still in the same family of topics, you may be wondering what and who i teach and what i study. or maybe you could give two sh*ts. whatever your thoughts, i will share regardless. i'm never one for a lack of words. i teach english as a second language to adult second language learners. it's the most rewarding job i could ever imagine. i feel as though i was born to do this. i've always had an affinity for those from other lands, for languages other than my own and to help people learn new things.
*side note: you may be thinking to yourself "yeah, what an english teacher this is! no capitalization, misspelled words and misused punctuation!" here's my response to that - everyday, all day long i have to be proper and correct and when i'm sharing my thoughts and feelings on this, i care not to be proper and correct but rather just share what's in my head. so there*
my teaching and schooling makes me look at the world and its inhabitants in such a different way. it often amazes me the ethnocentricity that SO many cultures exercise. i will venture to say that americans (which i am as well) are the worst of that. it saddens me. but i try and break that in everyone that i can. once we realize that it's not all about us, perhaps we'll look at this world as a WORLD and not land divided by borders.
hmm. nothing else really to say now except i'm ready for dinner :)
Friday, November 7, 2008
Hiding
well i tend to curse these things because i think you should only do them if you care to share something, not for public show or to put all of your innermost feelings out there for strangers (and even those not strange to you to see)! although, at this point, i'd rather it be strangers that read this than those i know. but here i find myself typing away. i doubt i'll remain anonymous for long as people are too good at tracking others down but whatever. i'll just step carefully as to what i write about. i set this up to be able to comment on my friend's baby blog but i'm not yet confident enough to do that as i'll be tracked through her site. i'm somewhat wanting to remain hidden in this virtual sea, even though i find that near impossible. so welcome, if you're reading, to the most boring initial post ever.
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