I suppose I owe you a little doctor update, eh? Well, I went with nerves and all and talked to my wonderful doctor about how I physically feel fine but emotionally am a wreck and I don't know how to fix it. It's so strange, I'm so satisfied with life yet my anxieties and my down days are really really rough. I think it has all spawned from not truly dealing with lots and lots within the past couple of years and my body has internalized all of this grief, despair and worry into anxiety and depression. Happens to the best of us I suppose.
Let me elaborate on my doctor for a moment. He's a first generation Indian-American (East Indian for those that get the terminology confused) and actually knows his patients. A few years back when I had only been seeing him for a year or two, we ran into each other in public and he knew my name, asked about this and that and made me feel like a human rather than something associated with his job. I don't feel like you find healthcare professionals like that. All of that being said, I feel very comfortable with my doctor and have for a long time. He's known about my anxiety dealings for many years and knows how I've worked hard to cope without prescription intervention. It didn't take him long to tell that this appointment, this bout of anxiety, was different for me than the rest. We came to the conclusion that maybe it was best to start out on an anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication and I was very happy with that decision. I've never done anything like this before and to be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of popping pills to solve problems BUT I've reached a point where I'm so overwhelmed with the emotional dealings I'm facing that I need a little extra help and I feel like, and hope, that this will help. I'm sure all of you have your views and may not agree with my choice in this but just let it be. Right now, I feel like this is what I need to do. And I'm excited about it. I'm excited about not worrying all of the time. I'm excited about being me again.
*AMENDMENT: I do currently take an anxiety medication and have for about 5 years. This is taken on an as-needed basis for situational anxiety such as plane flights, long road trips, dentist excursions; events that are high anxiety inducing for me. A bottle of 20 pills typically lasts me from 9 months to a year. I fourth or half the pills to take so I don't take more than needed and so I can try and work through the anxieties on my own. So yes, I have taken anxiety pills before but this will be the first time I will be taking them on a daily basis. Just wanted to clarify :)*
I also think that in conjunction with this medication that I am going to go back into therapy to try and work through some of the things that I have ignored and hope that with these two things combined that I will work my way back to being fully emotionally healthy and happy again.
You know, reading through all of this I sound like such a Debbie Downer. May I make a disclaimer that I love my life, my husband, my family, my jobs, making things. I mean I don't think all of that could get any better, really. What I struggle with are things in my past that were never dealt with when needed. Just goes to show that if you continuously sweep things under that emotional rug, eventually the heap will get too big and some of that will come pouring out...which is what is happening with me. Looking at it through positive eyes, I am so lucky to have it happen now as I have an amazing support system to help me through this :)
On the thyroid front, we've put that on hold until we get my nerves simmered down some He does want to do some bloodwork to check my levels and to my surprise, wants to do another ultrasound on it as one side is, yet again, much more pronounced than the other. I'm really hoping that I will receive the same answer I got years ago - that my thyroid is just weird shaped but then there's always that little part of me that worries that it is something more. I just have to accept that there's nothing I can do about it now and just hope for the best.
So there's my medical updates.
In other news (I feel like a newscaster), I go back to teaching next week! I'm very excited about this as I LOVE teaching! It is rejuvenating and I love feeling like I'm truly helping people with a strong desire to learn. Again I'll be teaching Reading and Speaking and again am mentor teaching for the Speech class this time with a different teacher though. I've got loads to do to get ready for the classes so I should probably quit writing ;)
Today I am grateful for:
Space heaters
spagetti
listening
hand sewing
Pongo, Vimmy & Pera ;)
Sympathetic doctors
Good news from friends from afar
Dining with old friends and family
Burts Bees Chapstick
the rubber things that help you open jars
large scarves
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
There's a Frog in my Throat
A while back I mentioned getting my thyroid back in order. I've now taken the first step to do so. I've made an appointment for Monday to get some bloodwork done (yuck) and to see if that will help my moods and such.
I'd like to take a minute to share with you how it was ever out of order now. I find it interesting that SO many people now are coming up with adult-set thyroid disorders and now Oprah is talking all about thyroid problems so it's oh so fresh on everyone's tongues. Well, when I was ten years old before I'd ever even heard of what a thyroid was, I was experiencing problems with mine.
A bit of hereditary history though. My grandfather had extreme mood swings and anger issues they later discovered were due to his thyroid not producing thyroxine (I think that's what it is called) like it should have been. He had more than half of the gland removed and now is a teddy bear and a half. His mother also had issues as does my mother, although hers have struck her later in life. I knew none of this at 10 years old. All I knew is that when I took my 5th grade school picture for the first time, there was a mighty large lump in my throat in the photo and was forced to retake it and go to the doctor. I didn't know that my mood swings, my anger and my incessant sleeping were because of that lump as well. I thought I was just a normal child. What followed next was traumatizing for little ol me.
After the initial discovery of my lump, my goiter (which has now made a reappearance - slight but it is definitely there), I spent a few days in and out of the oncology department of the hospital. I was injected with some weird dyes, held under some large and scary machines which were to read how much of the weird dye went to my thyroid and how much went to my knee??? There was lots of bloodwork done and lots of really scary and really overwhelming moments for m that I didn't understand. New outfits were bought for each of the little 'procedures' I had to endure and Goldie's meals were had before each of them but all of that wasn't enough to make it ok for a 10 year old to go through. After the hospital work, they determined that I had an enlarged and overactive thyroid which explained my waif-like frame, my anger problems, and my sleeping issues. I was put on meds and seemed to even out quite quickly. Even I, as a child, noticed a difference. Every six months I had to go to the doctor and have more blood work done to check that the levels were still balanced and if not, my prescription would change. I was told I would have to do this for the rest of my life. Not too exciting for a child to hear.
In eighth grade, I went in for another one of my appointments where my endocrinologist would feel my neck, have my put out my hands to see if was shaky and would ask me various questions followed by more bloodwork. That particular appointment he felt something odd with the actual gland and worried that the strange shape that he felt might be a tumor. Great, fourteen years old and I was given a cancer scare (one of four I've had in my young life). I went back to the hospital and had MORE bloodwork done and an ultrasound done to tell me that my thyroid was just strange shaped, not cancerous, just weird; like me.
Years passed and many pills were swallowed. In college my thyroid levels were so good my doctor told me that if I wanted to, I could be weened off of my pills and with blood tests every once in a while, I could live without a pill every morning. This was SO appealing but scary at the same time because I could barely remember NOT having to take these pills that helped regulate me for most of my life. I rejected the idea at that point but a year or so later on my own accord, I stopped taking my pills and haven't taken them since.
Now, six or seven years later, I find myself having mood swings again, battling anxiety and depression, not sleeping like I used to and losing lots of weight. Oh, for those of you who keep asking me what my weight loss secret is, I believe it's having a thyroid disorder. I wouldn't subscribe to it if I were you. As you remember, I'm taking this year to give myself priority again and to become 'normal' again and step one of this in my personal book is to check my thyroid back out again as much as I don't want to.
So there's the story of the bump in my throat. Hopefully I'm just a little off and all will be regulated well again soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll let you know what becomes of the bump.
I'd like to take a minute to share with you how it was ever out of order now. I find it interesting that SO many people now are coming up with adult-set thyroid disorders and now Oprah is talking all about thyroid problems so it's oh so fresh on everyone's tongues. Well, when I was ten years old before I'd ever even heard of what a thyroid was, I was experiencing problems with mine.
A bit of hereditary history though. My grandfather had extreme mood swings and anger issues they later discovered were due to his thyroid not producing thyroxine (I think that's what it is called) like it should have been. He had more than half of the gland removed and now is a teddy bear and a half. His mother also had issues as does my mother, although hers have struck her later in life. I knew none of this at 10 years old. All I knew is that when I took my 5th grade school picture for the first time, there was a mighty large lump in my throat in the photo and was forced to retake it and go to the doctor. I didn't know that my mood swings, my anger and my incessant sleeping were because of that lump as well. I thought I was just a normal child. What followed next was traumatizing for little ol me.
After the initial discovery of my lump, my goiter (which has now made a reappearance - slight but it is definitely there), I spent a few days in and out of the oncology department of the hospital. I was injected with some weird dyes, held under some large and scary machines which were to read how much of the weird dye went to my thyroid and how much went to my knee??? There was lots of bloodwork done and lots of really scary and really overwhelming moments for m that I didn't understand. New outfits were bought for each of the little 'procedures' I had to endure and Goldie's meals were had before each of them but all of that wasn't enough to make it ok for a 10 year old to go through. After the hospital work, they determined that I had an enlarged and overactive thyroid which explained my waif-like frame, my anger problems, and my sleeping issues. I was put on meds and seemed to even out quite quickly. Even I, as a child, noticed a difference. Every six months I had to go to the doctor and have more blood work done to check that the levels were still balanced and if not, my prescription would change. I was told I would have to do this for the rest of my life. Not too exciting for a child to hear.
In eighth grade, I went in for another one of my appointments where my endocrinologist would feel my neck, have my put out my hands to see if was shaky and would ask me various questions followed by more bloodwork. That particular appointment he felt something odd with the actual gland and worried that the strange shape that he felt might be a tumor. Great, fourteen years old and I was given a cancer scare (one of four I've had in my young life). I went back to the hospital and had MORE bloodwork done and an ultrasound done to tell me that my thyroid was just strange shaped, not cancerous, just weird; like me.
Years passed and many pills were swallowed. In college my thyroid levels were so good my doctor told me that if I wanted to, I could be weened off of my pills and with blood tests every once in a while, I could live without a pill every morning. This was SO appealing but scary at the same time because I could barely remember NOT having to take these pills that helped regulate me for most of my life. I rejected the idea at that point but a year or so later on my own accord, I stopped taking my pills and haven't taken them since.
Now, six or seven years later, I find myself having mood swings again, battling anxiety and depression, not sleeping like I used to and losing lots of weight. Oh, for those of you who keep asking me what my weight loss secret is, I believe it's having a thyroid disorder. I wouldn't subscribe to it if I were you. As you remember, I'm taking this year to give myself priority again and to become 'normal' again and step one of this in my personal book is to check my thyroid back out again as much as I don't want to.
So there's the story of the bump in my throat. Hopefully I'm just a little off and all will be regulated well again soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll let you know what becomes of the bump.
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