So I'm sitting here, bored at work and ready to start the weekend (!) and I'm thinking to myself about what I should blog about. The only thing I can think of is that I'm happy. I feel good. It's such a change from a few weeks ago when I was perpetually sad and scared. I'm so glad I don't currently feel that way! It's such a treat to feel good about life :)
As James Brown put it, "I feel good. I knew that I would". I did know that I would feel good again...it was just getting to that point that I didn't know how to do on my own!
So yeah, I feel good.
Moving on....I'm going to now tell you a story I found entertaining.
So my mister and I have been bowling pretty frequently lately and are having LOTS of fun doing it! So my mom bowls on a league and is pretty good so we thought it would be fun to go bowling with my folks some night for the cheap bowl deal they do. I mentioned it to my dad yesterday and he said (or something to this effect)...
"I hate bowling! It's too hard to keep score and to know who's turn it is. They need an easier way to do all of that."
I then asked him when the last time he went bowling was, 1965?????? As long as I can remember they've had computers to do all of that for you! I thought it was side-splittingly funny! Maybe that's just me though ;)
He was pretty amazed that they have computers at bowling alleys now.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Bring on the Cabin Fever
I figured since I'm on DAY TWO of snow days that I should dedicate a little time to b-logging! It feels like so much has happened since I last posted that I think I'll break this down into little sections :)
Oh, this is 'Pongo' (not his real name but similiar. I like it because it's from 101 Dalmations!) looking out front at all of the snow coming down last night! He seemed utterly confused :) He is enjoying running around in it today though!
Teaching
I'm back in the classroom yet today's classes have been canceled due to the whiteness outside! I should be disappointed but it's so nice to have newfound days at home! Having a weekday off is so different than having a weekend off for some reason!
This semester I'm teaching Intermediate Reading and Advanced Speaking, much as I have done in previous semesters. This semester though, I've found one notable change in my Reading class...nobody is from the same country! I love it! There someone from: Columbia, Vietnam, Russia, Syria, Iran, Ethiopia, India, Pakistan, and Peru. What a special experience for them and me! I love intercultural relations which is one of the five million reasons I love my job.
Now that I'm done with my own schooling, I feel like I am able to give my students more attention then before and thus feel as though I'm a better teacher for them. Also, both of these classes I have taught before from the same texts so I'm able to build on what I've done before, change this and that and build a more perfect class for them! Can you tell I like to lesson plan? ;)
My speaking class is shared with another teacher as we have so many students who want to take this class. It focuses on how to speak in a group, how to give effective and confident presentations and then works on natural gestures, intonations and cues. It is an incredibly beneficial class for the students to take. The first semester I taught it, I mentored under another teacher who is so energetic and is FULL of amazing ideas. The following semester I taught the class alone. Third semester, they asked ME to be a mentor teacher to another instructor which was awesome! This semester, I was supposed to be mentoring again but certain classes didn't make, blah, blah, blah and now I am team teaching with the original teacher I mentored under! I'm so excited to have his input and energy in this class! I think this is going to be a great semester :)
The House
The other section of my post I was going to dedicate to house stuff. We have been doing so much lately it seems! As of last Saturday, we have now owned our house for two years. It is amazing that so much time has gone by so quickly! We were talking about how nervous we were when we made the move as we hadn't even lived in the same city before then! I remember pulling up to the house the day the mister moved his stuff and seeing a big U-Haul out front. I remember thinking, 'ok, I hope this works!' And alas, it has. Thank God. :)
Some of the bigger changes lately is the removal of the Benjamin Franklin stove from the kitchen and the addition of some can lighting, courtesy of the electrically inclined mister. Please ignore the duct tape on the ceiling though which is covering where the stove used to go through. Remember, it's a work in progress :) Now we are able to house a (empty) fish tank there (the only empty one), plants during the winter, a little music station and most importantly the animals food bowls! SO nice to actually use that space now!
Here's a pic of the new can lighting in the kitchen! The mister went on a crazy cleaning rampage yesterday focusing mainly on the kitchen, which needed it badly, and made it look beautiful! One of these days we'll paint in there, replace the sink and the countertops. We're still debating on the cabinets...I am enamored with them and he isn't so much :)
Here's a lovely bedroom shot for you showing that we FINALLY hung up something above the bed! It took a mere two years but it finally happened ;) Oh, two of those three little pillows on the bed I hand made!
Finally, we've focused some time, energy and money into our fishtanks. We've four altogether with three of them actively housing fishies. We are both fish enthusiasts and love to just sit and watch them swim! We currently are fish parents to many convict cichlids, three baja sharks, a rhino pleco, an ancient and huge catfish, a plain jane pleco and three silver dollars we've named Finbad, Spike and Tetris.
So there's some actual photos for you and a lot of babbling to digest! Hopefully this formats ok and it all makes sense together! Hope all are warm and enjoying the pretty white!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thank You America
Eight years ago and I could have cared less about politics. I knew very little except that Clinton got his kicks with someone other than his wife and the nation went nutso. He shouldn't have lied, yes, but seriously folks, get over it. I was slightly oblivious to Bush and what he was all about because like I said, I could have cared less about politics at that time. Bush was elected and life didn't change much for me until 9/11 and then it changed like it changed for everyone else. The word terrorism became a daily utterance throughout the country, red alert, orange alert, bombs, threat, defense, war, blah blah blah. These words were immediately ingrained into the minds of the American people.
Between 9/11 and today I have traveled to 10 different countries aside from my own. I have found myself in countless situations where I am discussing with someone from another land the US, their policies, their actions since 9/11 and the perceptions others have of our country. I've tried to break the American stereotypes that other countries have about us, I've tried to represent us in an accepting and loving way, I've tried to be what I think the American is supposed to be; a person open to all and respectful of all. Unfortunately, over the past 8 years, this is not the overall theme of what I've seen Americans to be. Perhaps that has some to do with where I'm located.
In the middle of the country in a red state I find myself biting my tongue relentlessly. Remember, I teach English to people from other countries. Often when I tell people this, some of the reactions I get just blow me away. And not in a good way AT ALL. How are people from other countries who are studying in our country supposed to form positive perceptions of Americans when our general attitude is rarely positive towards them? I feel for these people who come here for whatever reason immensely and am embarrassed when my fellow countrymen who are supposed to be accepting, tolerant and forward thinking utter things that make me want to take them in a back room and give them a stern talking to. No violence, right? ;) I don't want to spend my time talking about this though because I will go off on a tangent about No Child Left Behind, English only laws and so on. This entry is meant to go another direction.
It has been during these past 8 years that I have become interested in politics, much like the rest of my countrymen. When Bush was reelected, I can't tell you what sadness I felt, what disappointment I had in my country and what a strong desire I had to become an expatriate. I still have the hardest time understanding why that ever even happened. But the past is the past.
I am proud to say though that today, I have found my pride as an American again. I am so so grateful to be alive today and to be witnessing a moment in history being made. America, you've made me proud. You've made me want to share my pride of my nation with everyone. You've made me infinitely happy for the children who will be growing up during this time. I hope we teach them well our history and the change that has come. I don't think that Obama is Superman though; he can't save the world in one leap and bound and I hope that people don't think that will be the case. He can though, help us all to begin to save our country and our identity as a nation as a whole. I look forward to being a part of that.
There's a reason the past 8 years had to happen though, this I realize, as you cannot have the present as it is without the past as it was. We wouldn't have this collective desire for change if we hadn't had an ineffective leader. We wouldn't be where we are at today. I'm so glad we are where we are at today.
So thank you America. Thank you for bringing back hope. Thank you for choosing change. Thank you for giving me the desire to believe in you again. Today, I am proud to be an American.
Between 9/11 and today I have traveled to 10 different countries aside from my own. I have found myself in countless situations where I am discussing with someone from another land the US, their policies, their actions since 9/11 and the perceptions others have of our country. I've tried to break the American stereotypes that other countries have about us, I've tried to represent us in an accepting and loving way, I've tried to be what I think the American is supposed to be; a person open to all and respectful of all. Unfortunately, over the past 8 years, this is not the overall theme of what I've seen Americans to be. Perhaps that has some to do with where I'm located.
In the middle of the country in a red state I find myself biting my tongue relentlessly. Remember, I teach English to people from other countries. Often when I tell people this, some of the reactions I get just blow me away. And not in a good way AT ALL. How are people from other countries who are studying in our country supposed to form positive perceptions of Americans when our general attitude is rarely positive towards them? I feel for these people who come here for whatever reason immensely and am embarrassed when my fellow countrymen who are supposed to be accepting, tolerant and forward thinking utter things that make me want to take them in a back room and give them a stern talking to. No violence, right? ;) I don't want to spend my time talking about this though because I will go off on a tangent about No Child Left Behind, English only laws and so on. This entry is meant to go another direction.
It has been during these past 8 years that I have become interested in politics, much like the rest of my countrymen. When Bush was reelected, I can't tell you what sadness I felt, what disappointment I had in my country and what a strong desire I had to become an expatriate. I still have the hardest time understanding why that ever even happened. But the past is the past.
I am proud to say though that today, I have found my pride as an American again. I am so so grateful to be alive today and to be witnessing a moment in history being made. America, you've made me proud. You've made me want to share my pride of my nation with everyone. You've made me infinitely happy for the children who will be growing up during this time. I hope we teach them well our history and the change that has come. I don't think that Obama is Superman though; he can't save the world in one leap and bound and I hope that people don't think that will be the case. He can though, help us all to begin to save our country and our identity as a nation as a whole. I look forward to being a part of that.
There's a reason the past 8 years had to happen though, this I realize, as you cannot have the present as it is without the past as it was. We wouldn't have this collective desire for change if we hadn't had an ineffective leader. We wouldn't be where we are at today. I'm so glad we are where we are at today.
So thank you America. Thank you for bringing back hope. Thank you for choosing change. Thank you for giving me the desire to believe in you again. Today, I am proud to be an American.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Life's Characters
I haven't posted about dancing in a while and it's still going strong so I thought I would devote some keyboard time to that :)
I swear, the group dancing at the community center truly feels like I've stepped into a scene from a low budget independent film set. The people have such vast and distinguising personalities and I can't help but chuckle to myself the more I get to know some of these people. There's Lucky (one of the few real names I'll ever use in this blog...although I don't believe this is his real name...but I love that he goes by this and I can't ignore how well it suits him) who rides his motorcycle to class, has a tinge of male chauvinism in him and it one of the more fun partners to dance with; there's the red-haired young man who squeezes the life out of your hand as he turns you; the skinny cowboy who rides the crotchrocket, smiles goofily the entire time you dance and says "It was a pleasure" when your time is done; there's the 'serial killer' as I've donned him who seems to have taken QUITE a liking to little ol me, who douses on lots of cologne but can't look a female in the eyes; there's the female instructor who reminds me of a cross between Liza Minelli, Delta Burke and Rosanne (the best of each of them); and finally, the male instructor who I swore on day one spoke no English, was doped up on painkillers and hated being there. I'll devote another sentence or two to him now. To my surprise, he speaks perfect English with a very southern drawl and is an accomplished dancer with awards under his belt...his studded belt to be exact. He wears black jeans, black shirts, a thick gold chain necklace and has black hair that is fixed like you wouldn't believe. He has helped me tremendously in this class and I love to dance with him. Oh, and I found out last night he is probably 20 years older than I ever thought. The most exciting thing I discovered about him last night though is that he is an Elvis impersonator. You can hire him to sing, play guitar and wear the whole getup for you. I so want to find some reason to hire him. Now I understand his outrageous hairstyle ;)
I'm finding that I'm really starting to get the hang of this and am quite enjoying it. There's a part of me who desires to excell at this and perhaps compete someday. It's so much fun and I really really enjoy meeting all of these crazy characters. I enjoy that in all walks of life actually, probably one of the many reasons I love teaching ESL! Today we have our private lesson which I enjoy but not as much as the group lesson.
Dancing is also so rewarding for me because it's an activity I share with my dad. All through my life we've always had a close relationship but ever since working for my folks part time, it seems we don't hang out as much outside of work. Dancing gives us a great excuse to get together and have father-daughter time. And I know that he loves having a partner to do this with him since my mom won't. He's getting much better too :)
So today I'm sporting my dancing shoes and will be gliding around in a few hours and will put all other cares aside while I focus on enjoying a lighthearted moment of life.
I swear, the group dancing at the community center truly feels like I've stepped into a scene from a low budget independent film set. The people have such vast and distinguising personalities and I can't help but chuckle to myself the more I get to know some of these people. There's Lucky (one of the few real names I'll ever use in this blog...although I don't believe this is his real name...but I love that he goes by this and I can't ignore how well it suits him) who rides his motorcycle to class, has a tinge of male chauvinism in him and it one of the more fun partners to dance with; there's the red-haired young man who squeezes the life out of your hand as he turns you; the skinny cowboy who rides the crotchrocket, smiles goofily the entire time you dance and says "It was a pleasure" when your time is done; there's the 'serial killer' as I've donned him who seems to have taken QUITE a liking to little ol me, who douses on lots of cologne but can't look a female in the eyes; there's the female instructor who reminds me of a cross between Liza Minelli, Delta Burke and Rosanne (the best of each of them); and finally, the male instructor who I swore on day one spoke no English, was doped up on painkillers and hated being there. I'll devote another sentence or two to him now. To my surprise, he speaks perfect English with a very southern drawl and is an accomplished dancer with awards under his belt...his studded belt to be exact. He wears black jeans, black shirts, a thick gold chain necklace and has black hair that is fixed like you wouldn't believe. He has helped me tremendously in this class and I love to dance with him. Oh, and I found out last night he is probably 20 years older than I ever thought. The most exciting thing I discovered about him last night though is that he is an Elvis impersonator. You can hire him to sing, play guitar and wear the whole getup for you. I so want to find some reason to hire him. Now I understand his outrageous hairstyle ;)
I'm finding that I'm really starting to get the hang of this and am quite enjoying it. There's a part of me who desires to excell at this and perhaps compete someday. It's so much fun and I really really enjoy meeting all of these crazy characters. I enjoy that in all walks of life actually, probably one of the many reasons I love teaching ESL! Today we have our private lesson which I enjoy but not as much as the group lesson.
Dancing is also so rewarding for me because it's an activity I share with my dad. All through my life we've always had a close relationship but ever since working for my folks part time, it seems we don't hang out as much outside of work. Dancing gives us a great excuse to get together and have father-daughter time. And I know that he loves having a partner to do this with him since my mom won't. He's getting much better too :)
So today I'm sporting my dancing shoes and will be gliding around in a few hours and will put all other cares aside while I focus on enjoying a lighthearted moment of life.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Cleaning Out From Under the Rug
I suppose I owe you a little doctor update, eh? Well, I went with nerves and all and talked to my wonderful doctor about how I physically feel fine but emotionally am a wreck and I don't know how to fix it. It's so strange, I'm so satisfied with life yet my anxieties and my down days are really really rough. I think it has all spawned from not truly dealing with lots and lots within the past couple of years and my body has internalized all of this grief, despair and worry into anxiety and depression. Happens to the best of us I suppose.
Let me elaborate on my doctor for a moment. He's a first generation Indian-American (East Indian for those that get the terminology confused) and actually knows his patients. A few years back when I had only been seeing him for a year or two, we ran into each other in public and he knew my name, asked about this and that and made me feel like a human rather than something associated with his job. I don't feel like you find healthcare professionals like that. All of that being said, I feel very comfortable with my doctor and have for a long time. He's known about my anxiety dealings for many years and knows how I've worked hard to cope without prescription intervention. It didn't take him long to tell that this appointment, this bout of anxiety, was different for me than the rest. We came to the conclusion that maybe it was best to start out on an anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication and I was very happy with that decision. I've never done anything like this before and to be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of popping pills to solve problems BUT I've reached a point where I'm so overwhelmed with the emotional dealings I'm facing that I need a little extra help and I feel like, and hope, that this will help. I'm sure all of you have your views and may not agree with my choice in this but just let it be. Right now, I feel like this is what I need to do. And I'm excited about it. I'm excited about not worrying all of the time. I'm excited about being me again.
*AMENDMENT: I do currently take an anxiety medication and have for about 5 years. This is taken on an as-needed basis for situational anxiety such as plane flights, long road trips, dentist excursions; events that are high anxiety inducing for me. A bottle of 20 pills typically lasts me from 9 months to a year. I fourth or half the pills to take so I don't take more than needed and so I can try and work through the anxieties on my own. So yes, I have taken anxiety pills before but this will be the first time I will be taking them on a daily basis. Just wanted to clarify :)*
I also think that in conjunction with this medication that I am going to go back into therapy to try and work through some of the things that I have ignored and hope that with these two things combined that I will work my way back to being fully emotionally healthy and happy again.
You know, reading through all of this I sound like such a Debbie Downer. May I make a disclaimer that I love my life, my husband, my family, my jobs, making things. I mean I don't think all of that could get any better, really. What I struggle with are things in my past that were never dealt with when needed. Just goes to show that if you continuously sweep things under that emotional rug, eventually the heap will get too big and some of that will come pouring out...which is what is happening with me. Looking at it through positive eyes, I am so lucky to have it happen now as I have an amazing support system to help me through this :)
On the thyroid front, we've put that on hold until we get my nerves simmered down some He does want to do some bloodwork to check my levels and to my surprise, wants to do another ultrasound on it as one side is, yet again, much more pronounced than the other. I'm really hoping that I will receive the same answer I got years ago - that my thyroid is just weird shaped but then there's always that little part of me that worries that it is something more. I just have to accept that there's nothing I can do about it now and just hope for the best.
So there's my medical updates.
In other news (I feel like a newscaster), I go back to teaching next week! I'm very excited about this as I LOVE teaching! It is rejuvenating and I love feeling like I'm truly helping people with a strong desire to learn. Again I'll be teaching Reading and Speaking and again am mentor teaching for the Speech class this time with a different teacher though. I've got loads to do to get ready for the classes so I should probably quit writing ;)
Today I am grateful for:
Space heaters
spagetti
listening
hand sewing
Pongo, Vimmy & Pera ;)
Sympathetic doctors
Good news from friends from afar
Dining with old friends and family
Burts Bees Chapstick
the rubber things that help you open jars
large scarves
Let me elaborate on my doctor for a moment. He's a first generation Indian-American (East Indian for those that get the terminology confused) and actually knows his patients. A few years back when I had only been seeing him for a year or two, we ran into each other in public and he knew my name, asked about this and that and made me feel like a human rather than something associated with his job. I don't feel like you find healthcare professionals like that. All of that being said, I feel very comfortable with my doctor and have for a long time. He's known about my anxiety dealings for many years and knows how I've worked hard to cope without prescription intervention. It didn't take him long to tell that this appointment, this bout of anxiety, was different for me than the rest. We came to the conclusion that maybe it was best to start out on an anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication and I was very happy with that decision. I've never done anything like this before and to be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of popping pills to solve problems BUT I've reached a point where I'm so overwhelmed with the emotional dealings I'm facing that I need a little extra help and I feel like, and hope, that this will help. I'm sure all of you have your views and may not agree with my choice in this but just let it be. Right now, I feel like this is what I need to do. And I'm excited about it. I'm excited about not worrying all of the time. I'm excited about being me again.
*AMENDMENT: I do currently take an anxiety medication and have for about 5 years. This is taken on an as-needed basis for situational anxiety such as plane flights, long road trips, dentist excursions; events that are high anxiety inducing for me. A bottle of 20 pills typically lasts me from 9 months to a year. I fourth or half the pills to take so I don't take more than needed and so I can try and work through the anxieties on my own. So yes, I have taken anxiety pills before but this will be the first time I will be taking them on a daily basis. Just wanted to clarify :)*
I also think that in conjunction with this medication that I am going to go back into therapy to try and work through some of the things that I have ignored and hope that with these two things combined that I will work my way back to being fully emotionally healthy and happy again.
You know, reading through all of this I sound like such a Debbie Downer. May I make a disclaimer that I love my life, my husband, my family, my jobs, making things. I mean I don't think all of that could get any better, really. What I struggle with are things in my past that were never dealt with when needed. Just goes to show that if you continuously sweep things under that emotional rug, eventually the heap will get too big and some of that will come pouring out...which is what is happening with me. Looking at it through positive eyes, I am so lucky to have it happen now as I have an amazing support system to help me through this :)
On the thyroid front, we've put that on hold until we get my nerves simmered down some He does want to do some bloodwork to check my levels and to my surprise, wants to do another ultrasound on it as one side is, yet again, much more pronounced than the other. I'm really hoping that I will receive the same answer I got years ago - that my thyroid is just weird shaped but then there's always that little part of me that worries that it is something more. I just have to accept that there's nothing I can do about it now and just hope for the best.
So there's my medical updates.
In other news (I feel like a newscaster), I go back to teaching next week! I'm very excited about this as I LOVE teaching! It is rejuvenating and I love feeling like I'm truly helping people with a strong desire to learn. Again I'll be teaching Reading and Speaking and again am mentor teaching for the Speech class this time with a different teacher though. I've got loads to do to get ready for the classes so I should probably quit writing ;)
Today I am grateful for:
Space heaters
spagetti
listening
hand sewing
Pongo, Vimmy & Pera ;)
Sympathetic doctors
Good news from friends from afar
Dining with old friends and family
Burts Bees Chapstick
the rubber things that help you open jars
large scarves
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
There's a Frog in my Throat
A while back I mentioned getting my thyroid back in order. I've now taken the first step to do so. I've made an appointment for Monday to get some bloodwork done (yuck) and to see if that will help my moods and such.
I'd like to take a minute to share with you how it was ever out of order now. I find it interesting that SO many people now are coming up with adult-set thyroid disorders and now Oprah is talking all about thyroid problems so it's oh so fresh on everyone's tongues. Well, when I was ten years old before I'd ever even heard of what a thyroid was, I was experiencing problems with mine.
A bit of hereditary history though. My grandfather had extreme mood swings and anger issues they later discovered were due to his thyroid not producing thyroxine (I think that's what it is called) like it should have been. He had more than half of the gland removed and now is a teddy bear and a half. His mother also had issues as does my mother, although hers have struck her later in life. I knew none of this at 10 years old. All I knew is that when I took my 5th grade school picture for the first time, there was a mighty large lump in my throat in the photo and was forced to retake it and go to the doctor. I didn't know that my mood swings, my anger and my incessant sleeping were because of that lump as well. I thought I was just a normal child. What followed next was traumatizing for little ol me.
After the initial discovery of my lump, my goiter (which has now made a reappearance - slight but it is definitely there), I spent a few days in and out of the oncology department of the hospital. I was injected with some weird dyes, held under some large and scary machines which were to read how much of the weird dye went to my thyroid and how much went to my knee??? There was lots of bloodwork done and lots of really scary and really overwhelming moments for m that I didn't understand. New outfits were bought for each of the little 'procedures' I had to endure and Goldie's meals were had before each of them but all of that wasn't enough to make it ok for a 10 year old to go through. After the hospital work, they determined that I had an enlarged and overactive thyroid which explained my waif-like frame, my anger problems, and my sleeping issues. I was put on meds and seemed to even out quite quickly. Even I, as a child, noticed a difference. Every six months I had to go to the doctor and have more blood work done to check that the levels were still balanced and if not, my prescription would change. I was told I would have to do this for the rest of my life. Not too exciting for a child to hear.
In eighth grade, I went in for another one of my appointments where my endocrinologist would feel my neck, have my put out my hands to see if was shaky and would ask me various questions followed by more bloodwork. That particular appointment he felt something odd with the actual gland and worried that the strange shape that he felt might be a tumor. Great, fourteen years old and I was given a cancer scare (one of four I've had in my young life). I went back to the hospital and had MORE bloodwork done and an ultrasound done to tell me that my thyroid was just strange shaped, not cancerous, just weird; like me.
Years passed and many pills were swallowed. In college my thyroid levels were so good my doctor told me that if I wanted to, I could be weened off of my pills and with blood tests every once in a while, I could live without a pill every morning. This was SO appealing but scary at the same time because I could barely remember NOT having to take these pills that helped regulate me for most of my life. I rejected the idea at that point but a year or so later on my own accord, I stopped taking my pills and haven't taken them since.
Now, six or seven years later, I find myself having mood swings again, battling anxiety and depression, not sleeping like I used to and losing lots of weight. Oh, for those of you who keep asking me what my weight loss secret is, I believe it's having a thyroid disorder. I wouldn't subscribe to it if I were you. As you remember, I'm taking this year to give myself priority again and to become 'normal' again and step one of this in my personal book is to check my thyroid back out again as much as I don't want to.
So there's the story of the bump in my throat. Hopefully I'm just a little off and all will be regulated well again soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll let you know what becomes of the bump.
I'd like to take a minute to share with you how it was ever out of order now. I find it interesting that SO many people now are coming up with adult-set thyroid disorders and now Oprah is talking all about thyroid problems so it's oh so fresh on everyone's tongues. Well, when I was ten years old before I'd ever even heard of what a thyroid was, I was experiencing problems with mine.
A bit of hereditary history though. My grandfather had extreme mood swings and anger issues they later discovered were due to his thyroid not producing thyroxine (I think that's what it is called) like it should have been. He had more than half of the gland removed and now is a teddy bear and a half. His mother also had issues as does my mother, although hers have struck her later in life. I knew none of this at 10 years old. All I knew is that when I took my 5th grade school picture for the first time, there was a mighty large lump in my throat in the photo and was forced to retake it and go to the doctor. I didn't know that my mood swings, my anger and my incessant sleeping were because of that lump as well. I thought I was just a normal child. What followed next was traumatizing for little ol me.
After the initial discovery of my lump, my goiter (which has now made a reappearance - slight but it is definitely there), I spent a few days in and out of the oncology department of the hospital. I was injected with some weird dyes, held under some large and scary machines which were to read how much of the weird dye went to my thyroid and how much went to my knee??? There was lots of bloodwork done and lots of really scary and really overwhelming moments for m that I didn't understand. New outfits were bought for each of the little 'procedures' I had to endure and Goldie's meals were had before each of them but all of that wasn't enough to make it ok for a 10 year old to go through. After the hospital work, they determined that I had an enlarged and overactive thyroid which explained my waif-like frame, my anger problems, and my sleeping issues. I was put on meds and seemed to even out quite quickly. Even I, as a child, noticed a difference. Every six months I had to go to the doctor and have more blood work done to check that the levels were still balanced and if not, my prescription would change. I was told I would have to do this for the rest of my life. Not too exciting for a child to hear.
In eighth grade, I went in for another one of my appointments where my endocrinologist would feel my neck, have my put out my hands to see if was shaky and would ask me various questions followed by more bloodwork. That particular appointment he felt something odd with the actual gland and worried that the strange shape that he felt might be a tumor. Great, fourteen years old and I was given a cancer scare (one of four I've had in my young life). I went back to the hospital and had MORE bloodwork done and an ultrasound done to tell me that my thyroid was just strange shaped, not cancerous, just weird; like me.
Years passed and many pills were swallowed. In college my thyroid levels were so good my doctor told me that if I wanted to, I could be weened off of my pills and with blood tests every once in a while, I could live without a pill every morning. This was SO appealing but scary at the same time because I could barely remember NOT having to take these pills that helped regulate me for most of my life. I rejected the idea at that point but a year or so later on my own accord, I stopped taking my pills and haven't taken them since.
Now, six or seven years later, I find myself having mood swings again, battling anxiety and depression, not sleeping like I used to and losing lots of weight. Oh, for those of you who keep asking me what my weight loss secret is, I believe it's having a thyroid disorder. I wouldn't subscribe to it if I were you. As you remember, I'm taking this year to give myself priority again and to become 'normal' again and step one of this in my personal book is to check my thyroid back out again as much as I don't want to.
So there's the story of the bump in my throat. Hopefully I'm just a little off and all will be regulated well again soon. Keep your fingers crossed for me and I'll let you know what becomes of the bump.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Positive Hyphenation
Hello readers! Hello new year!
I began this new year doing something I should have done 9 months ago...I finally changed my name to incorporate my husband's last name! I did the not-so-modern-anymore hyphenation and now have a million letters to sign when signing my last name but I will now always still have that piece of my parent's name that is so important and pride producing for me. The reason for my delay for the change? Well, there's two reasons. 1) I wanted to wait until I was done with school because I was worried that there would be the chance of records being confused and would then be forced to spend another million years chasing my tail to graduate! AND 2) I was totally procrastinating all of the hoops I would have to jump through once the change took place.
So on January 2nd, I headed to the SS office, waited for two hours and it was over. The first 30 minutes of the wait was torturous honestly but the remaining hour and a half was rather pleasant and truly flew by. Why? Well, a young lady (I can say that because she was probably 2 or three years younger than I ;) came and sat next to me and struck up an enjoyable conversation. We talked about work, name changes, schooling, children, church, waiting, house ownership, waiting, marriage and in the last five minutes, we exchanged names. It was so much fun to meet someone I didn't know and have a true blue honest conversation about anything without any previous knowledge of each other. I'll probably never see her again but I will thank her internally (and bloggily) for befriending me during those 90 minutes and reminding me that friends are anywhere we try and seek them out.
My last post mentioned a bit of new year's resolving. Well, I've yet to learn how to prepare artichokes but in the first four days of the new year, I sure have eaten a lot of them! That's something, right? ;) I have recently realized though that I think I've been neglecting myself and my mental and emotional well-being. I talk about this and that but I don't take steps to really heal, grow and evolve. I'm not as proactive about myself as I once was. I know it's only been four days, but I've been more proactive in this regard in these past four days than I have been in a long time.
I've started reading a book called How to Want What You Have which I've read about a fifth of thus far and what little I've acquired from it thus far has been so so very eye and heart opening. The author speaks of the 'precious present' and that life on Earth as we know it is life on the 'pleasure planet' and by remembering these two principals that we will begin to see life through persistantly gracious eyes and hearts. I'm working hard to overcome my anxieties and worries and these two 'P' phrases have so far been nothing but beneficial to me. If I examine life from a good, positive, pleasurable viewpoint, I cancel out the negative and scared view I've been experiencing for too long. Not to say that I always view things negatively but when those type of thoughts sneak in, they overwhelm me and take over. I don't want to sit here and forever blog about what I'm worried about, what plagues me or what I'm scared is around the corner but rather, I want and plan to blog about what makes me happy, what beautiful sight I took in during the day and how I was positively affected through life for that day.
I grew up in the Methodist church and even though I don't profess to be Christian or to have any sort of set beliefs, I thank the church for instilling in me good morals and good memories had with close friends. When I was 12 years old, I went through confirmation and was baptised. Confirmation consisted of, among other things, a class covering beliefs of the said religion. I remember some things but one this I'll always remember was a story told of two angels sent from above to collect prayers. Each had a basket to collect a certain type of prayer - one for prayers of thanks and one for prayers of wants. There may have been a third angel with a third basket but I can't recall. Just sharing what I remember :) When the angels returned to the Heavens, the basket of wants was beyond overflowing while the basket of thanks was close to being empty. What a great reminder of the importance of giving thanks! Not just in prayer but in life everyday; in our thoughts and souls. I love this story because it doesn't just have to apply to religion and prayers but it can and should be applied to how we view and live life.
Today I am grateful for:
Long weekends
Car heaters
Lazy days
Impromptu movie watching
Creativity
Marriage
Positive words
Corrective eyewear
Cardinals
Playing fetch
Bowling
Falling in love
Dogpiles
I began this new year doing something I should have done 9 months ago...I finally changed my name to incorporate my husband's last name! I did the not-so-modern-anymore hyphenation and now have a million letters to sign when signing my last name but I will now always still have that piece of my parent's name that is so important and pride producing for me. The reason for my delay for the change? Well, there's two reasons. 1) I wanted to wait until I was done with school because I was worried that there would be the chance of records being confused and would then be forced to spend another million years chasing my tail to graduate! AND 2) I was totally procrastinating all of the hoops I would have to jump through once the change took place.
So on January 2nd, I headed to the SS office, waited for two hours and it was over. The first 30 minutes of the wait was torturous honestly but the remaining hour and a half was rather pleasant and truly flew by. Why? Well, a young lady (I can say that because she was probably 2 or three years younger than I ;) came and sat next to me and struck up an enjoyable conversation. We talked about work, name changes, schooling, children, church, waiting, house ownership, waiting, marriage and in the last five minutes, we exchanged names. It was so much fun to meet someone I didn't know and have a true blue honest conversation about anything without any previous knowledge of each other. I'll probably never see her again but I will thank her internally (and bloggily) for befriending me during those 90 minutes and reminding me that friends are anywhere we try and seek them out.
My last post mentioned a bit of new year's resolving. Well, I've yet to learn how to prepare artichokes but in the first four days of the new year, I sure have eaten a lot of them! That's something, right? ;) I have recently realized though that I think I've been neglecting myself and my mental and emotional well-being. I talk about this and that but I don't take steps to really heal, grow and evolve. I'm not as proactive about myself as I once was. I know it's only been four days, but I've been more proactive in this regard in these past four days than I have been in a long time.
I've started reading a book called How to Want What You Have which I've read about a fifth of thus far and what little I've acquired from it thus far has been so so very eye and heart opening. The author speaks of the 'precious present' and that life on Earth as we know it is life on the 'pleasure planet' and by remembering these two principals that we will begin to see life through persistantly gracious eyes and hearts. I'm working hard to overcome my anxieties and worries and these two 'P' phrases have so far been nothing but beneficial to me. If I examine life from a good, positive, pleasurable viewpoint, I cancel out the negative and scared view I've been experiencing for too long. Not to say that I always view things negatively but when those type of thoughts sneak in, they overwhelm me and take over. I don't want to sit here and forever blog about what I'm worried about, what plagues me or what I'm scared is around the corner but rather, I want and plan to blog about what makes me happy, what beautiful sight I took in during the day and how I was positively affected through life for that day.
I grew up in the Methodist church and even though I don't profess to be Christian or to have any sort of set beliefs, I thank the church for instilling in me good morals and good memories had with close friends. When I was 12 years old, I went through confirmation and was baptised. Confirmation consisted of, among other things, a class covering beliefs of the said religion. I remember some things but one this I'll always remember was a story told of two angels sent from above to collect prayers. Each had a basket to collect a certain type of prayer - one for prayers of thanks and one for prayers of wants. There may have been a third angel with a third basket but I can't recall. Just sharing what I remember :) When the angels returned to the Heavens, the basket of wants was beyond overflowing while the basket of thanks was close to being empty. What a great reminder of the importance of giving thanks! Not just in prayer but in life everyday; in our thoughts and souls. I love this story because it doesn't just have to apply to religion and prayers but it can and should be applied to how we view and live life.
Today I am grateful for:
Long weekends
Car heaters
Lazy days
Impromptu movie watching
Creativity
Marriage
Positive words
Corrective eyewear
Cardinals
Playing fetch
Bowling
Falling in love
Dogpiles
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