I believe it's been a bit...
Seems as though I haven't blogged about dancing in a while so why not do so now?! I'm still into it full swing, pun intended, and am still loving every minute of it. My dad and I have actual dance shoes now and joined the swing club so I take that as meaning that we are hard core professionals now! Or not ;)
We have graduated from the beginning to intermediate classes although there are certainly some things that I have yet to master from the beginning class such as my poor frame. I just can't seem to keep good compression when I partner dance! That probably makes no sense unless you've partnered danced before! Regardless of my poor frame, our hearts are still in it and we at least feel like we do well :)
Last night pops and I went to a bar/restaurant out south for dinner, a few drinks and an introductory lesson to salsa! It was a blast! After the lesson, they open up the floor for whoever wants to dance! We really had a great time and I'm sure I'll return next week! Apparently, every Tuesday, they have an introductory lesson to all sorts of stuff (rumba, salsa, cha cha, two step, night club sway, blah blah blah) and then afterwards the west coasters show up and swing!
Not 100% sure I'm going to my normal lesson tonight though. I've either got a really slammin' (and not in the good way) case of allergies or I've got a cold. My head is filled with crap and I can't seem to hold my eyes open. Blah.
Even though it may be the weather making me feel like this, I can't ignore that it is FREAKING BEAUTIFUL outside this week! We have a FULL garden now and the mister has started working on renovating our deck which I am SO excited about! It really needs a facelift!
Also, Monday was my last day to teach this semester. It's always bittersweet it seems. I totally miss my students and being in front of the class but I also love the extra free time I have to do whatever! Now, I still have a stack full of projects to grade so I'm not out of the woods yet but I'm not lesson planning for a while! I start a summer course up on June 1st so it's just a little break really.
Sorry if any of this seems disjointed or discombobulated or whatever....my brain is struggling through all of the snot today. Nice image, eh?
OH! Also, I am thinking of making this blog private so if you're a reader I don't know about and would still like to read this, let me know so I can invite you to it!
Ta Ta! Bodaciously ;)
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Married Twinky Weekend
As I said before, we didn't skip town as planned for the anni weekend. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty bummed about it at first but got over it quickly once we awoke Saturday morning to see a snowfall like I haven't seen in years! It was beyond beautiful! I loved it for SO many reasons! 1) the weather was to be warm the next day so it would be gone and wouldn't interfere in people's lives (esp my driving) 2) it was so so so so sooooooo pretty! 3) huge flakes 4)watching the beast bound around in it 4) bundling up with my mister 5) that it happened on the weekend 6) that it happened on our ANNIVERSARY weekend! 7) that it lasted all day 8) that it made me feel like we were snowed in and still stuck away like we had initially planned to be...I could go on and on but I shall refrain ;)
Saturday wasn't our exact anniversary but it was the day that we celebrated. The day started with me remaining in bed for about 3 hours while reading a book - this is something I haven't done in FOREVER and it was greatly missed. During this time, the mister cooked us breakfast which smelled so good during my reading time! We ate and went back to reading and video gaming, appropriately. There were of course many spurts of time where we watched the beast go beserk or just watched the snow fall. It snowed until 5 that evening, btw, and it was reported that our town got 9.9 inches! We had a oven baked frozen pizza for dinner and watched some b-ball. (I cannot believe how much I am getting into the March Madness business!) Later after we cleaned up we opened up a bottle of nice wine called the Bird Man, which my mister is, and relived what we were going through this time last year. Oh, and I wore this snowman shirt the mister got me as a joke a while back...I thought it was perfect for the random snow day! And funny! I wore a white long sleeved shirt under it and when the mister came out of the room from getting himself ready, he had mimicked my outfit completely! Well, he didn't have a snowman shirt on but you get the idea.
Moving on. That night was Earth Hour which asks that everyone turn off their lights from 8:30-9:30, local time. The Great Pyramids turned off their lights, the Vegas Strip participated, the Eiffel Tower was there and there were big street parties in larger cities all in the dark! We shut down all of our goodies, lit every single candle in the house (which did make me a little nervous as we have one kittie who is quite flame curious) and kept the lights off for much longer than the said hour! After about two hours, we turned on the ipod and had dance party 2009 in the kitchen. It was LOADS of fun. Oh, also during this time, we dove into our wedding cake which was surprisingly SO good and stepped outside to have cigars to celebrate! During the dance party, we cracked open a bottle of Cava (a Spanish champagne) and proceeded to get a bit more fuzzy.
Sunday morning consisted of some headaches, melting snow, lesson planning, b-ball, leisurely reading and a fancy homemade anniversary dinner. Oh, and some more cake of course ;)
I couldn't have asked for a more perfect anniversary weekend. I'd like to thank Mother Nature for snowing us in, my folks for storing our cake, our electrical lines for not letting us lose power, our friends and family for not calling and most of all, my mister for being my mister.
Saturday wasn't our exact anniversary but it was the day that we celebrated. The day started with me remaining in bed for about 3 hours while reading a book - this is something I haven't done in FOREVER and it was greatly missed. During this time, the mister cooked us breakfast which smelled so good during my reading time! We ate and went back to reading and video gaming, appropriately. There were of course many spurts of time where we watched the beast go beserk or just watched the snow fall. It snowed until 5 that evening, btw, and it was reported that our town got 9.9 inches! We had a oven baked frozen pizza for dinner and watched some b-ball. (I cannot believe how much I am getting into the March Madness business!) Later after we cleaned up we opened up a bottle of nice wine called the Bird Man, which my mister is, and relived what we were going through this time last year. Oh, and I wore this snowman shirt the mister got me as a joke a while back...I thought it was perfect for the random snow day! And funny! I wore a white long sleeved shirt under it and when the mister came out of the room from getting himself ready, he had mimicked my outfit completely! Well, he didn't have a snowman shirt on but you get the idea.
Moving on. That night was Earth Hour which asks that everyone turn off their lights from 8:30-9:30, local time. The Great Pyramids turned off their lights, the Vegas Strip participated, the Eiffel Tower was there and there were big street parties in larger cities all in the dark! We shut down all of our goodies, lit every single candle in the house (which did make me a little nervous as we have one kittie who is quite flame curious) and kept the lights off for much longer than the said hour! After about two hours, we turned on the ipod and had dance party 2009 in the kitchen. It was LOADS of fun. Oh, also during this time, we dove into our wedding cake which was surprisingly SO good and stepped outside to have cigars to celebrate! During the dance party, we cracked open a bottle of Cava (a Spanish champagne) and proceeded to get a bit more fuzzy.
Sunday morning consisted of some headaches, melting snow, lesson planning, b-ball, leisurely reading and a fancy homemade anniversary dinner. Oh, and some more cake of course ;)
I couldn't have asked for a more perfect anniversary weekend. I'd like to thank Mother Nature for snowing us in, my folks for storing our cake, our electrical lines for not letting us lose power, our friends and family for not calling and most of all, my mister for being my mister.
Friday, March 27, 2009
A Fantastic First Year
Well boo hiss. But still yeah. This Sunday is mine and the mister's 1 year anniversary. YEE HAW!!! Too bad we don't have cattle to round up. What? Anywhoodle. We were planning on skeedaddling to the country but here in Okiehomie, we've got some jacked up weather sprouting and we've decided to stay inland. Er, in town. I'm so bummed because I want to get out of town SO bad! But it would just be a muddy mess if we went. Not us but our ginormous beast that is. I don't feel like having muddy paw markings all over the place and we partially fear being snowed in if it really snows, that is. So we're staying here and we'll still have a good time with our frozen pizza, polaroid project, schmaniversay playlist and living room camping. We acquired the top of our wedding cake to eat and I'm crossing my fingers it is actually edible! I'm all about nose-diving into that thing! It's really bizarre it's already been a year but I guess that's a good thing that it doesn't feel like it's been forever, eh?
I have nothing else to say except Happy Anniversary to the Bifftastics. We are fantastic. Biffishly fantastic.
I have nothing else to say except Happy Anniversary to the Bifftastics. We are fantastic. Biffishly fantastic.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tis the season for helmets
For Christmas this year, I received two pairs of galoshes. I had searched and searched for months before trying to find some myself and had ZERO luck. I even had one young worker at a store who had never even heard of the word galoshes. Seriously? Apparently, I had harped around enough to let it be known that I was in the market for some of these shoes and was gifted the pair of pairs!
Today I'm wearing my galoshes and I'm not happy about it. I'm down for some rain here and there and often times, need a good washing from the sky to match my mood but as for springtime storms in this part of the country, I'm not so welcoming. We've got possible severe storms in the forecast and it's got my stomach in knots. I love living in Oklahoma more than I can express but this time of year, I find myself wishing I had a spring retreat in a non-tornado-threatened area to abscond to. I'm pretty sure this time of year scrapes precious moments off of my life much more than other times of year. The worry I go through has my body manifesting anxieties in not so friendly ways. Did I mention I hate tornado season?
Now, try teaching while having a huge chunk of worry in your body. Now try explaining tornado season to people who have only lived in this country for a few months. Try acting brave for them. Try to act like it's no big deal. I don't act. I tell them like it is; that I'm petrified of pulling a Dorothy Gale and that nothing scares me more than springtime storms here. I teach them weather terminology that is rarely heard anywhere but here. I teach them how to safely protect themselves when they hear the sirens. I teach them that it's okay to be scared but that it's important to keep a level head admist those fears.
Perhaps I make it worse than it should be. Many of my anxieties are anticipatory. When in the moment of the feared moment, I'm fine yet hours, days or weeks before I am sick with worry. Perhaps someday I'll welcome these type of storms the way I welcome those that arrive during other parts of the year. Perhaps.
I've informed the mister that I'm purchasing helmets for us for tornado season as I've read that blunt force trauma to the head is how most are fatally injured in tornados. He's not really down but it makes me calm down a bit. And think of the photo-ops with those helmets ;)
Did I mention that our one year anniversary of marriage is this Sunday? It is. True story.
Today I'm wearing my galoshes and I'm not happy about it. I'm down for some rain here and there and often times, need a good washing from the sky to match my mood but as for springtime storms in this part of the country, I'm not so welcoming. We've got possible severe storms in the forecast and it's got my stomach in knots. I love living in Oklahoma more than I can express but this time of year, I find myself wishing I had a spring retreat in a non-tornado-threatened area to abscond to. I'm pretty sure this time of year scrapes precious moments off of my life much more than other times of year. The worry I go through has my body manifesting anxieties in not so friendly ways. Did I mention I hate tornado season?
Now, try teaching while having a huge chunk of worry in your body. Now try explaining tornado season to people who have only lived in this country for a few months. Try acting brave for them. Try to act like it's no big deal. I don't act. I tell them like it is; that I'm petrified of pulling a Dorothy Gale and that nothing scares me more than springtime storms here. I teach them weather terminology that is rarely heard anywhere but here. I teach them how to safely protect themselves when they hear the sirens. I teach them that it's okay to be scared but that it's important to keep a level head admist those fears.
Perhaps I make it worse than it should be. Many of my anxieties are anticipatory. When in the moment of the feared moment, I'm fine yet hours, days or weeks before I am sick with worry. Perhaps someday I'll welcome these type of storms the way I welcome those that arrive during other parts of the year. Perhaps.
I've informed the mister that I'm purchasing helmets for us for tornado season as I've read that blunt force trauma to the head is how most are fatally injured in tornados. He's not really down but it makes me calm down a bit. And think of the photo-ops with those helmets ;)
Did I mention that our one year anniversary of marriage is this Sunday? It is. True story.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Garden Party!
The mister has been mighty busy in the backyard during these pretty days. This year will be our first year with a REAL garden. We've had a corner designated for tomatoes and a row of asparagus (which should be ready this year finally!) and strawberries but nothing that truly constitutes a garden. So the mister has cleared out the five million mini trees and rose bushes that had overgrown our yard and erected a small fence to note our garden space.
Side funny story: The day that the mister put the fence up, Pongo was patiently standing next to it (such as pictured below) and a bird landed in the middle of the garden area. Well Mr. Pongo jumped over the fence from a standstill, chased the bird to the corner, turned around and jumped right back over the fence! So much for keeping the beast out! Ever since then though, he has yet to try again and just stands on the outside of it looking over the edge. It's pretty cute.
Here's the mister during a rare break from digging up a huge stump. Behind him you can see our leaf compost pile, a wood pile and not pictured is our food compost pile.
To break up the ground thoroughly for the garden, we have borrowed a tiller from my parents. A tiller they purchased from TG&Y back before I was born! They had a guy at work get it in working order and here it is in all its glory! It's amazing how many childhood memories seeing that tiller has brought back!
I then took a stroll through the rest of the yard while the mister finished tilling. Below you'll see our future fire pit area. The mister buried all of those pavers himself and is slowly making a rock walkway through all areas of the yard. I liked the way the sun shone down on this pic :)
Heres the garden corner of the yard from the other corner of the yard. That stupid flag is the mister's pride and joy! We had an ongoing 'argument' when we moved in as to whether or not that was a flagpole or a tetherball pole. I still side with the tetherball pole since I want one :)
Side funny story: The day that the mister put the fence up, Pongo was patiently standing next to it (such as pictured below) and a bird landed in the middle of the garden area. Well Mr. Pongo jumped over the fence from a standstill, chased the bird to the corner, turned around and jumped right back over the fence! So much for keeping the beast out! Ever since then though, he has yet to try again and just stands on the outside of it looking over the edge. It's pretty cute.
Here's the mister during a rare break from digging up a huge stump. Behind him you can see our leaf compost pile, a wood pile and not pictured is our food compost pile.
To break up the ground thoroughly for the garden, we have borrowed a tiller from my parents. A tiller they purchased from TG&Y back before I was born! They had a guy at work get it in working order and here it is in all its glory! It's amazing how many childhood memories seeing that tiller has brought back!
I then took a stroll through the rest of the yard while the mister finished tilling. Below you'll see our future fire pit area. The mister buried all of those pavers himself and is slowly making a rock walkway through all areas of the yard. I liked the way the sun shone down on this pic :)
Heres the garden corner of the yard from the other corner of the yard. That stupid flag is the mister's pride and joy! We had an ongoing 'argument' when we moved in as to whether or not that was a flagpole or a tetherball pole. I still side with the tetherball pole since I want one :)Oh, something else to note at this point. So our beloved neighbor Hap is now gone and was the mister's bff in the backyard. Almost to the day of losing Hap, another elderly neighbor caddy-corner to us has now befriended the mister. He's in his late 80's and lost his wife last month. The mister finds it funny that his best elderly neighborfriend passes away and BOOM! all of the sudden he's got a new one! I told him it's only fitting seeing that he married a 'grandma', as many of my friends call me due to my old lady tendencies.
Our 'new' fence which is actually about a year old. We spent wedding money on this and it has made such a difference! Pongo can't escape anymore and the meter man can get in to do his job! Also a little more of the pavers the mister layed. And our trash.
An artsy pic I took. Actually kind of a cool story about that spring. I basically lived with my childhood BFF at her house and her at mine. Well, they had this old couch that her mom finally decided had reached the end of its life and let us tear it up! Mind you we were maybe in our early teens? I totally still have two springs from that couch and this is one of them! They've since been used as candle holders, decoration and jewelry tool holders!
And finally, a funny one to end this blog. This would be Pongo staring out of his hole on the deck he created when we first got him. We were SO mad at him when he did this BUT are glad that he actually uses it ;)
I hope your backyards are exciting to you as ours is!
Our 'new' fence which is actually about a year old. We spent wedding money on this and it has made such a difference! Pongo can't escape anymore and the meter man can get in to do his job! Also a little more of the pavers the mister layed. And our trash. 
An artsy pic I took. Actually kind of a cool story about that spring. I basically lived with my childhood BFF at her house and her at mine. Well, they had this old couch that her mom finally decided had reached the end of its life and let us tear it up! Mind you we were maybe in our early teens? I totally still have two springs from that couch and this is one of them! They've since been used as candle holders, decoration and jewelry tool holders!
And finally, a funny one to end this blog. This would be Pongo staring out of his hole on the deck he created when we first got him. We were SO mad at him when he did this BUT are glad that he actually uses it ;)
I hope your backyards are exciting to you as ours is!Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I've seen the other side and it's not pretty.
Oh. My. Goodness. I can't believe I'm alive.
This weekend was such a good weekend...for the most part. Friday night, the mister, daddy and I went to our first official dance to put the learned steps to use and had a good ol time! We partook in dinner and drinks before arriving (late) to the Night Club Sway dance class and did our best to stumble our way through that one. It was fun though. It was most enjoyable to watch the mister give it a go as he's never done any of the dance classes! Watching some of the more experienced dancers throughout the night was so entertaining and only inspired me to want to learn more and perfect what I've already learned!
Saturday the mister and I journeyed to 'the city' for an interesting wedding complete with a communion service and a conga line. This was a wedding of one of the mister's good friends. Nobody knows the new mrs very well but we're all hoping she is a keeper! Fingers crossed! We had a wonderful time hanging with old friends, laughing and staying up way too late which always seems to occur when we venture that direction :)
Sunday we returned back home in a leisurely manner and once we had arrived back at the casa, I took a nap to catch up on the sleep lost from the night before. I woke up with a very very odd feeling in my stomach. Not a good odd feeling, if there is such a thing. Within the next hour, I found myself perched upon the toilet, buck-naked with a bucket in my lap getting VIOLENTLY ill for the next SEVEN hours. I know that is NOT a pretty visual but it is the truth. And I'm not shy. :) It was truly complete and utter hell. I had caught the nice and contagious stomach bug floating around these parts. The mister is one of those people who hurls at the thought of hurling alone so I was amazed to find him as a wonderful and supportive nurse! Thank god I wasn't alone through all of that! He's seen me at one of my worst points now and still loves me and my vomit! Yeah unconditional love! ;)
One funny story through all of this, if there is one, was that I eventually made my way from the john to the floor, yet still in the bathroom, and would doze on and off between bouts of sickness. at one point, the mister came into our teeny-tiny bathroom to check on me, not knowing I was passed out in the floor and SLAMMED the door into my head. Didn't phase me one bit though. I believe that was hour five or six and by that point, I felt no pain.
So now it is Wednesday night and today was my first day back 'to the grind' and I barely made it through it. I am SO weak and am still having pep talks with my tummy to be ok with food but I will survive. When you get sick like that I guess it takes more of a toll on your body than you think!
On the flip side, during all of my time becoming more familiar with our bathroom, I found that Vimmy, my orange devil of a cat, is fascinated with the loud ticking second-hand on our bathroom clock. It is incredibly entertaining :) Maybe you can leave this post with that image as opposed to the previously mentioned one ;)
This weekend was such a good weekend...for the most part. Friday night, the mister, daddy and I went to our first official dance to put the learned steps to use and had a good ol time! We partook in dinner and drinks before arriving (late) to the Night Club Sway dance class and did our best to stumble our way through that one. It was fun though. It was most enjoyable to watch the mister give it a go as he's never done any of the dance classes! Watching some of the more experienced dancers throughout the night was so entertaining and only inspired me to want to learn more and perfect what I've already learned!
Saturday the mister and I journeyed to 'the city' for an interesting wedding complete with a communion service and a conga line. This was a wedding of one of the mister's good friends. Nobody knows the new mrs very well but we're all hoping she is a keeper! Fingers crossed! We had a wonderful time hanging with old friends, laughing and staying up way too late which always seems to occur when we venture that direction :)
Sunday we returned back home in a leisurely manner and once we had arrived back at the casa, I took a nap to catch up on the sleep lost from the night before. I woke up with a very very odd feeling in my stomach. Not a good odd feeling, if there is such a thing. Within the next hour, I found myself perched upon the toilet, buck-naked with a bucket in my lap getting VIOLENTLY ill for the next SEVEN hours. I know that is NOT a pretty visual but it is the truth. And I'm not shy. :) It was truly complete and utter hell. I had caught the nice and contagious stomach bug floating around these parts. The mister is one of those people who hurls at the thought of hurling alone so I was amazed to find him as a wonderful and supportive nurse! Thank god I wasn't alone through all of that! He's seen me at one of my worst points now and still loves me and my vomit! Yeah unconditional love! ;)
One funny story through all of this, if there is one, was that I eventually made my way from the john to the floor, yet still in the bathroom, and would doze on and off between bouts of sickness. at one point, the mister came into our teeny-tiny bathroom to check on me, not knowing I was passed out in the floor and SLAMMED the door into my head. Didn't phase me one bit though. I believe that was hour five or six and by that point, I felt no pain.
So now it is Wednesday night and today was my first day back 'to the grind' and I barely made it through it. I am SO weak and am still having pep talks with my tummy to be ok with food but I will survive. When you get sick like that I guess it takes more of a toll on your body than you think!
On the flip side, during all of my time becoming more familiar with our bathroom, I found that Vimmy, my orange devil of a cat, is fascinated with the loud ticking second-hand on our bathroom clock. It is incredibly entertaining :) Maybe you can leave this post with that image as opposed to the previously mentioned one ;)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Roses & Blood...
Hey there, Hi there, Ho there. It's been a while, I know. I manage two blogs...this one and my jewelry blog www.sheezkrafty.blogspot.com and I seem to update a widdle more on that one than on this one. My apologies. But here I am!
This one will be short and sweet and will not involve anything having to do with travel. EXCEPT that after my last post, I found great motivation and scanned a whole album of my schooling in Mexico! I've so much to tell about that trip :)
Soooooooo....what's been going on? Well, we had V-day pass last weekend. The mister is NOT a go out and eat kind of person. He really does not dig waiting and since he worked in a restaurant for years, he's just burnt out on the scene. I, on the other hand, LOVE to go out to eat. We both know these facts about the other well. So what does the mister do for V-day? He takes me to a fancy schmancy Lebanese restaurant where we had to wait for about 45 minutes to eat...and he didn't grimace once! ;) We went early to avoid the 'rush' but ended up being stuck in the 'rush' of all of the senior citizens who eat at 4 and 5 in our town. I was brushed up against a mixture of Nascar jackets and fur coats...when choosing which to be closer to, I would choose the Nascar coats. Yucky fur coats. He's not a flower buyer since we grow our own flowers and use those for gifts BUT lucky for him, the restaurant gave all of the ladies roses when they dined with them! Ha! I thought that was kinda cool. So I did get flowers after all! In addition to that, I was informed that he will take me to a spa nearby our house for a massage one of these days (and I am needing it BAD! I've got a bad thing going on in my back right now) and also gave me a box of blank switchplates. He's so good. :) So we had a really nice dinner and I had about 5 million nice glasses of wine which put me in not so good shape for the remainder of the evening into the next day. BUT it was so nice he took me out and wined and dined me! Literally! :)
My other item of note for this widdle blog is an update on the thyroid front. A few weeks ago I went back to my awesome doctor to see how these new anti-everything pills were working out...which they are working out great! I am really enjoying enjoying life! He did still want to check out my thyroid but didn't seem horribly concerned. He gave me my labslips for my bloodwork and told me to do it when I got the courage. You see, I grew up doing bloodwork from anywhere to once a month to once a year depending on my levels. It sucked royally. I was always fine with bloodwork (well, after the age of 12 or so, that is) until once when I was 16 and went without my mom for the first time and instead took the bff and my sista with me. It was that time that I fainted and my body went into shock. I don't remember much of it except it was a new tech and I watched them do the blood test (which I always did then) and he had missed my vein. Then, he pulled the needle out partially and continued to retry and find it without ever pulling the needle all of the way out. Well, I was watching this and feeling the sticking somehow in the back part of my elbow. I think I said something about not feeling well and then I woke up with blood on my arm and my two supporters FREAKING out. I guess my body went into shock for some reason and the supporters were scared I was having a seizure! I had to drink some juice and eat a cookie or something and was on my way. After that incident, I've always had a much harder time getting my blood drawn for some reason. (wow, this isn't so much a short post anymore, is it?!) Moving on...... So I kept this lab slip in my purse for a few weeks basically ignoring its presence. Then Sunday night I had a dream that I had gone and done the bloodwork and felt very accomplished that I had done so! So yesterday morning I got up and decided I would get it done after class...by myself...which is a big deal for me. Yes, I know I'm a 'grown up' but somethings make me childlike. Whatever. So I didn't tell a soul and after I was done teaching, I went and got my blood drawn all by myself! I was so proud :) One small step for mankind, one GIANT leap for little ol me :)
I'll let you know what I find the results to be! Toodles!
This one will be short and sweet and will not involve anything having to do with travel. EXCEPT that after my last post, I found great motivation and scanned a whole album of my schooling in Mexico! I've so much to tell about that trip :)
Soooooooo....what's been going on? Well, we had V-day pass last weekend. The mister is NOT a go out and eat kind of person. He really does not dig waiting and since he worked in a restaurant for years, he's just burnt out on the scene. I, on the other hand, LOVE to go out to eat. We both know these facts about the other well. So what does the mister do for V-day? He takes me to a fancy schmancy Lebanese restaurant where we had to wait for about 45 minutes to eat...and he didn't grimace once! ;) We went early to avoid the 'rush' but ended up being stuck in the 'rush' of all of the senior citizens who eat at 4 and 5 in our town. I was brushed up against a mixture of Nascar jackets and fur coats...when choosing which to be closer to, I would choose the Nascar coats. Yucky fur coats. He's not a flower buyer since we grow our own flowers and use those for gifts BUT lucky for him, the restaurant gave all of the ladies roses when they dined with them! Ha! I thought that was kinda cool. So I did get flowers after all! In addition to that, I was informed that he will take me to a spa nearby our house for a massage one of these days (and I am needing it BAD! I've got a bad thing going on in my back right now) and also gave me a box of blank switchplates. He's so good. :) So we had a really nice dinner and I had about 5 million nice glasses of wine which put me in not so good shape for the remainder of the evening into the next day. BUT it was so nice he took me out and wined and dined me! Literally! :)
My other item of note for this widdle blog is an update on the thyroid front. A few weeks ago I went back to my awesome doctor to see how these new anti-everything pills were working out...which they are working out great! I am really enjoying enjoying life! He did still want to check out my thyroid but didn't seem horribly concerned. He gave me my labslips for my bloodwork and told me to do it when I got the courage. You see, I grew up doing bloodwork from anywhere to once a month to once a year depending on my levels. It sucked royally. I was always fine with bloodwork (well, after the age of 12 or so, that is) until once when I was 16 and went without my mom for the first time and instead took the bff and my sista with me. It was that time that I fainted and my body went into shock. I don't remember much of it except it was a new tech and I watched them do the blood test (which I always did then) and he had missed my vein. Then, he pulled the needle out partially and continued to retry and find it without ever pulling the needle all of the way out. Well, I was watching this and feeling the sticking somehow in the back part of my elbow. I think I said something about not feeling well and then I woke up with blood on my arm and my two supporters FREAKING out. I guess my body went into shock for some reason and the supporters were scared I was having a seizure! I had to drink some juice and eat a cookie or something and was on my way. After that incident, I've always had a much harder time getting my blood drawn for some reason. (wow, this isn't so much a short post anymore, is it?!) Moving on...... So I kept this lab slip in my purse for a few weeks basically ignoring its presence. Then Sunday night I had a dream that I had gone and done the bloodwork and felt very accomplished that I had done so! So yesterday morning I got up and decided I would get it done after class...by myself...which is a big deal for me. Yes, I know I'm a 'grown up' but somethings make me childlike. Whatever. So I didn't tell a soul and after I was done teaching, I went and got my blood drawn all by myself! I was so proud :) One small step for mankind, one GIANT leap for little ol me :)
I'll let you know what I find the results to be! Toodles!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sugar and Spice
So I'm sitting here, bored at work and ready to start the weekend (!) and I'm thinking to myself about what I should blog about. The only thing I can think of is that I'm happy. I feel good. It's such a change from a few weeks ago when I was perpetually sad and scared. I'm so glad I don't currently feel that way! It's such a treat to feel good about life :)
As James Brown put it, "I feel good. I knew that I would". I did know that I would feel good again...it was just getting to that point that I didn't know how to do on my own!
So yeah, I feel good.
Moving on....I'm going to now tell you a story I found entertaining.
So my mister and I have been bowling pretty frequently lately and are having LOTS of fun doing it! So my mom bowls on a league and is pretty good so we thought it would be fun to go bowling with my folks some night for the cheap bowl deal they do. I mentioned it to my dad yesterday and he said (or something to this effect)...
"I hate bowling! It's too hard to keep score and to know who's turn it is. They need an easier way to do all of that."
I then asked him when the last time he went bowling was, 1965?????? As long as I can remember they've had computers to do all of that for you! I thought it was side-splittingly funny! Maybe that's just me though ;)
He was pretty amazed that they have computers at bowling alleys now.
As James Brown put it, "I feel good. I knew that I would". I did know that I would feel good again...it was just getting to that point that I didn't know how to do on my own!
So yeah, I feel good.
Moving on....I'm going to now tell you a story I found entertaining.
So my mister and I have been bowling pretty frequently lately and are having LOTS of fun doing it! So my mom bowls on a league and is pretty good so we thought it would be fun to go bowling with my folks some night for the cheap bowl deal they do. I mentioned it to my dad yesterday and he said (or something to this effect)...
"I hate bowling! It's too hard to keep score and to know who's turn it is. They need an easier way to do all of that."
I then asked him when the last time he went bowling was, 1965?????? As long as I can remember they've had computers to do all of that for you! I thought it was side-splittingly funny! Maybe that's just me though ;)
He was pretty amazed that they have computers at bowling alleys now.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Bring on the Cabin Fever
I figured since I'm on DAY TWO of snow days that I should dedicate a little time to b-logging! It feels like so much has happened since I last posted that I think I'll break this down into little sections :)
Oh, this is 'Pongo' (not his real name but similiar. I like it because it's from 101 Dalmations!) looking out front at all of the snow coming down last night! He seemed utterly confused :) He is enjoying running around in it today though!
Teaching
I'm back in the classroom yet today's classes have been canceled due to the whiteness outside! I should be disappointed but it's so nice to have newfound days at home! Having a weekday off is so different than having a weekend off for some reason!
This semester I'm teaching Intermediate Reading and Advanced Speaking, much as I have done in previous semesters. This semester though, I've found one notable change in my Reading class...nobody is from the same country! I love it! There someone from: Columbia, Vietnam, Russia, Syria, Iran, Ethiopia, India, Pakistan, and Peru. What a special experience for them and me! I love intercultural relations which is one of the five million reasons I love my job.
Now that I'm done with my own schooling, I feel like I am able to give my students more attention then before and thus feel as though I'm a better teacher for them. Also, both of these classes I have taught before from the same texts so I'm able to build on what I've done before, change this and that and build a more perfect class for them! Can you tell I like to lesson plan? ;)
My speaking class is shared with another teacher as we have so many students who want to take this class. It focuses on how to speak in a group, how to give effective and confident presentations and then works on natural gestures, intonations and cues. It is an incredibly beneficial class for the students to take. The first semester I taught it, I mentored under another teacher who is so energetic and is FULL of amazing ideas. The following semester I taught the class alone. Third semester, they asked ME to be a mentor teacher to another instructor which was awesome! This semester, I was supposed to be mentoring again but certain classes didn't make, blah, blah, blah and now I am team teaching with the original teacher I mentored under! I'm so excited to have his input and energy in this class! I think this is going to be a great semester :)
The House
The other section of my post I was going to dedicate to house stuff. We have been doing so much lately it seems! As of last Saturday, we have now owned our house for two years. It is amazing that so much time has gone by so quickly! We were talking about how nervous we were when we made the move as we hadn't even lived in the same city before then! I remember pulling up to the house the day the mister moved his stuff and seeing a big U-Haul out front. I remember thinking, 'ok, I hope this works!' And alas, it has. Thank God. :)
Some of the bigger changes lately is the removal of the Benjamin Franklin stove from the kitchen and the addition of some can lighting, courtesy of the electrically inclined mister. Please ignore the duct tape on the ceiling though which is covering where the stove used to go through. Remember, it's a work in progress :) Now we are able to house a (empty) fish tank there (the only empty one), plants during the winter, a little music station and most importantly the animals food bowls! SO nice to actually use that space now!
Here's a pic of the new can lighting in the kitchen! The mister went on a crazy cleaning rampage yesterday focusing mainly on the kitchen, which needed it badly, and made it look beautiful! One of these days we'll paint in there, replace the sink and the countertops. We're still debating on the cabinets...I am enamored with them and he isn't so much :)
Here's a lovely bedroom shot for you showing that we FINALLY hung up something above the bed! It took a mere two years but it finally happened ;) Oh, two of those three little pillows on the bed I hand made!
Finally, we've focused some time, energy and money into our fishtanks. We've four altogether with three of them actively housing fishies. We are both fish enthusiasts and love to just sit and watch them swim! We currently are fish parents to many convict cichlids, three baja sharks, a rhino pleco, an ancient and huge catfish, a plain jane pleco and three silver dollars we've named Finbad, Spike and Tetris.
So there's some actual photos for you and a lot of babbling to digest! Hopefully this formats ok and it all makes sense together! Hope all are warm and enjoying the pretty white!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Positive Hyphenation
Hello readers! Hello new year!
I began this new year doing something I should have done 9 months ago...I finally changed my name to incorporate my husband's last name! I did the not-so-modern-anymore hyphenation and now have a million letters to sign when signing my last name but I will now always still have that piece of my parent's name that is so important and pride producing for me. The reason for my delay for the change? Well, there's two reasons. 1) I wanted to wait until I was done with school because I was worried that there would be the chance of records being confused and would then be forced to spend another million years chasing my tail to graduate! AND 2) I was totally procrastinating all of the hoops I would have to jump through once the change took place.
So on January 2nd, I headed to the SS office, waited for two hours and it was over. The first 30 minutes of the wait was torturous honestly but the remaining hour and a half was rather pleasant and truly flew by. Why? Well, a young lady (I can say that because she was probably 2 or three years younger than I ;) came and sat next to me and struck up an enjoyable conversation. We talked about work, name changes, schooling, children, church, waiting, house ownership, waiting, marriage and in the last five minutes, we exchanged names. It was so much fun to meet someone I didn't know and have a true blue honest conversation about anything without any previous knowledge of each other. I'll probably never see her again but I will thank her internally (and bloggily) for befriending me during those 90 minutes and reminding me that friends are anywhere we try and seek them out.
My last post mentioned a bit of new year's resolving. Well, I've yet to learn how to prepare artichokes but in the first four days of the new year, I sure have eaten a lot of them! That's something, right? ;) I have recently realized though that I think I've been neglecting myself and my mental and emotional well-being. I talk about this and that but I don't take steps to really heal, grow and evolve. I'm not as proactive about myself as I once was. I know it's only been four days, but I've been more proactive in this regard in these past four days than I have been in a long time.
I've started reading a book called How to Want What You Have which I've read about a fifth of thus far and what little I've acquired from it thus far has been so so very eye and heart opening. The author speaks of the 'precious present' and that life on Earth as we know it is life on the 'pleasure planet' and by remembering these two principals that we will begin to see life through persistantly gracious eyes and hearts. I'm working hard to overcome my anxieties and worries and these two 'P' phrases have so far been nothing but beneficial to me. If I examine life from a good, positive, pleasurable viewpoint, I cancel out the negative and scared view I've been experiencing for too long. Not to say that I always view things negatively but when those type of thoughts sneak in, they overwhelm me and take over. I don't want to sit here and forever blog about what I'm worried about, what plagues me or what I'm scared is around the corner but rather, I want and plan to blog about what makes me happy, what beautiful sight I took in during the day and how I was positively affected through life for that day.
I grew up in the Methodist church and even though I don't profess to be Christian or to have any sort of set beliefs, I thank the church for instilling in me good morals and good memories had with close friends. When I was 12 years old, I went through confirmation and was baptised. Confirmation consisted of, among other things, a class covering beliefs of the said religion. I remember some things but one this I'll always remember was a story told of two angels sent from above to collect prayers. Each had a basket to collect a certain type of prayer - one for prayers of thanks and one for prayers of wants. There may have been a third angel with a third basket but I can't recall. Just sharing what I remember :) When the angels returned to the Heavens, the basket of wants was beyond overflowing while the basket of thanks was close to being empty. What a great reminder of the importance of giving thanks! Not just in prayer but in life everyday; in our thoughts and souls. I love this story because it doesn't just have to apply to religion and prayers but it can and should be applied to how we view and live life.
Today I am grateful for:
Long weekends
Car heaters
Lazy days
Impromptu movie watching
Creativity
Marriage
Positive words
Corrective eyewear
Cardinals
Playing fetch
Bowling
Falling in love
Dogpiles
I began this new year doing something I should have done 9 months ago...I finally changed my name to incorporate my husband's last name! I did the not-so-modern-anymore hyphenation and now have a million letters to sign when signing my last name but I will now always still have that piece of my parent's name that is so important and pride producing for me. The reason for my delay for the change? Well, there's two reasons. 1) I wanted to wait until I was done with school because I was worried that there would be the chance of records being confused and would then be forced to spend another million years chasing my tail to graduate! AND 2) I was totally procrastinating all of the hoops I would have to jump through once the change took place.
So on January 2nd, I headed to the SS office, waited for two hours and it was over. The first 30 minutes of the wait was torturous honestly but the remaining hour and a half was rather pleasant and truly flew by. Why? Well, a young lady (I can say that because she was probably 2 or three years younger than I ;) came and sat next to me and struck up an enjoyable conversation. We talked about work, name changes, schooling, children, church, waiting, house ownership, waiting, marriage and in the last five minutes, we exchanged names. It was so much fun to meet someone I didn't know and have a true blue honest conversation about anything without any previous knowledge of each other. I'll probably never see her again but I will thank her internally (and bloggily) for befriending me during those 90 minutes and reminding me that friends are anywhere we try and seek them out.
My last post mentioned a bit of new year's resolving. Well, I've yet to learn how to prepare artichokes but in the first four days of the new year, I sure have eaten a lot of them! That's something, right? ;) I have recently realized though that I think I've been neglecting myself and my mental and emotional well-being. I talk about this and that but I don't take steps to really heal, grow and evolve. I'm not as proactive about myself as I once was. I know it's only been four days, but I've been more proactive in this regard in these past four days than I have been in a long time.
I've started reading a book called How to Want What You Have which I've read about a fifth of thus far and what little I've acquired from it thus far has been so so very eye and heart opening. The author speaks of the 'precious present' and that life on Earth as we know it is life on the 'pleasure planet' and by remembering these two principals that we will begin to see life through persistantly gracious eyes and hearts. I'm working hard to overcome my anxieties and worries and these two 'P' phrases have so far been nothing but beneficial to me. If I examine life from a good, positive, pleasurable viewpoint, I cancel out the negative and scared view I've been experiencing for too long. Not to say that I always view things negatively but when those type of thoughts sneak in, they overwhelm me and take over. I don't want to sit here and forever blog about what I'm worried about, what plagues me or what I'm scared is around the corner but rather, I want and plan to blog about what makes me happy, what beautiful sight I took in during the day and how I was positively affected through life for that day.
I grew up in the Methodist church and even though I don't profess to be Christian or to have any sort of set beliefs, I thank the church for instilling in me good morals and good memories had with close friends. When I was 12 years old, I went through confirmation and was baptised. Confirmation consisted of, among other things, a class covering beliefs of the said religion. I remember some things but one this I'll always remember was a story told of two angels sent from above to collect prayers. Each had a basket to collect a certain type of prayer - one for prayers of thanks and one for prayers of wants. There may have been a third angel with a third basket but I can't recall. Just sharing what I remember :) When the angels returned to the Heavens, the basket of wants was beyond overflowing while the basket of thanks was close to being empty. What a great reminder of the importance of giving thanks! Not just in prayer but in life everyday; in our thoughts and souls. I love this story because it doesn't just have to apply to religion and prayers but it can and should be applied to how we view and live life.
Today I am grateful for:
Long weekends
Car heaters
Lazy days
Impromptu movie watching
Creativity
Marriage
Positive words
Corrective eyewear
Cardinals
Playing fetch
Bowling
Falling in love
Dogpiles
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
dreary day, dreary heart
i wish so dearly that this blog could be filled with flowers, hearts, rainbows and fluffy things that smell good but it's not. i've been emotionally going through a rough journey for a while and manage to deal with the things that plague me most of the time but yesterday i had an unfortunate resurgence of those sad feelings. i'm going to back track a few years.
march 2006. my mother had not flown in 10 years and i had convinced her to fly to phoenix arizona to visit my younger sister who had just moved there for school. we had a nice time traveling there and a good first day on the trip. later that evening at my sister's apt, my mom kept trying to contact my dad on his cell phone. she had forgotten that he was attending a 50th bday party for an old classmate of his. finally, her phone rang back and my dad was on the other line. immediately, the color fell from her face and she started screaming and crying. at this suprise b-day party, the woman who was responsible for my parents being together and who would have been mine and my sister's caregiver if something had happened to our parents had collapsed at the party and died after having a massive heart attack. her husband was there, my dad was there and all of the people that they had grown up with. her husband is a fire fighter and immediately went into rescue mode to try and save her but could do nothing. i'm fighting back tears right now remembering my dad telling me this story and him not being able to fight his. this was my mother's best friend, a woman i've known my entire life, a woman who was a character and a half and someone who is terribly, terribly missed. after decided to stay with my sister for a few more days so at least we all could be together while my dad helped their family, my mom and i flew home to immediately drive to the church to attend a funeral. the whole chain of events still makes me sick to relive, even two years later. while we were in arizona, i never had a moment alone to deal with this. i was either with my mom, with my sister or with both of them. i believe we were meant to be there when this tragedy occured. i don't think my mom could have handled it here, i don't think my sister would have coped well alone and well, i'm not sure about myself. i believe i was there to be the rock for both of them. so i returned, attended the funeral and never dealt with her death appropriately.
may 2006. our dog we had had since i was in middle school passed away. now, some of you may not be animal people but myself and my family consider animals to be a part of our family. this grouchy, overweight little crank of a dog was family and had been sick for a long time. she passed on her own, fortunately, and has never ever been forgotten. i helped my dad bury her in the backyard that day after watching him hold her in his arms and sob. it still breaks my heart. i try and remember the good memories with her and we still joke about her stinky farts and attacking the birds but i'll always have that sad day stuck with me.
july 2006. i met the man i married. the weekend following that, my granny passed away in a nursing home with my mom by her side after ten years of slowly dying of emphysema. we flew my sister home and buried her a few days later. my granny was the most awesome woman. her 'i don't give a sh*t about what anybody else thinks' attitude was something i've always admired. i miss her more than i let on. she was one of the few in my family that i truly felt i could tell anything to. i heard a woman a while back walking past and starting coughing as my granny had for so many years. it was so bittersweet. i miss that cough but that cough is what took her away so early. my papa is one of the most tenderhearted men i have EVER encounted. just as we all are, he is still grieving so much. in his little house, all he had left of his wife, my granny, was her devil cat, peaches.
fast forward. lots. after the barrage of death, i went into therapy but quit too early i believe. i got caught up in the middle of love - something i'd never truly experienced. i began cohabitation and within a year and a half, was married to a gem of a man. six months after falling in love with him, his mother unexpectedly passed away a story i can't emotionally afford to dredge up today. again, i became a rock and never dealt. and i'm now in a position where these unresolved feelings of grievance and saddness are coming back to haunt me. esp since yesterday.
yesterday morning at work my mom's cell phone rang and the screen read 'daddy'. now, she calls her dad daddy (i call him papa) and i call my daddy (her husband) daddy so i wasn't quite sure which daddy was calling but i answered since she was in the back of the office. it was my papa and i could barely understand what he was saying he was crying so much. i asked if everything was ok and he just replied 'no' and cried harder. i was so frightened and saddened to hear him crying like he was. it broke my heart into a million pieces just hearing him like that. turns out, the reason for his outburst of heartache was that he had to put down peaches, the one thing still linking him to granny. papa is more of an animal lover than anyone i know combined. he is now alone in his house. truly alone. it makes me so sad. and it has made us all relive losing granny and now that one (even if it was demonic) connection left to her is gone.
last night i had a terrible, terrible dream. all i really remember was that one set of my grandparents was renewing wedding vows (each set has one deceased partner in real life) so there was much commotion and excitement in the air. i then was informed that in three separate instances that day, my mom, my husband and someone else (whom i remembered in the dream and was very upset about but can't recall who now) had all died in car accidents. the day was so important though that there was no time for worrying about the deaths or feelings and we had to brush that aside to finish preparing for the day's events. towards the end of the dream, i was walking towards a door and came upon my granny and my papa sitting in a couple of chairs. granny saw my pained face and i went to her and we had a very long, and very needed embrace. i smelt her. i felt her. she wasn't sick. there was no oxygen tank. she looked healthy. she felt healthy. and she was alive. i woke up shortly after.
my life is wonderful. i'm happily married, have a masters degree now (!), teach at a wonderful place, have lovely animals, work with my family, am successful in my mind with my creations but deep down i'm sad and depressed. i'm sad because life changed for me in the blink of an eye. i lost very important figures in my life quickly together, i live a partnered life now thus my one-on-one relationships seem to have suffered and i often feel like i rarely make the right decisions in regards to friendships which are wildly important to me. why am i whining so much today? because i can. because i don't feel like i have many that i can do this to face to face. everyone is busy with their own lives, they don't have time to listen to old stories that i can't get over. i'm sure some select few would take the time but they've heard it all before. i need to get it all out without verbal interruption, without someone nodding and sympathizing - i just need to say it to me. the weather is crap so perhaps that also has something to do with this onset of saddness. whatever it is, i'm ready for the seasons to change, for my heart to heal and for life to show me the good and happy that will outweigh the bad and sad.
march 2006. my mother had not flown in 10 years and i had convinced her to fly to phoenix arizona to visit my younger sister who had just moved there for school. we had a nice time traveling there and a good first day on the trip. later that evening at my sister's apt, my mom kept trying to contact my dad on his cell phone. she had forgotten that he was attending a 50th bday party for an old classmate of his. finally, her phone rang back and my dad was on the other line. immediately, the color fell from her face and she started screaming and crying. at this suprise b-day party, the woman who was responsible for my parents being together and who would have been mine and my sister's caregiver if something had happened to our parents had collapsed at the party and died after having a massive heart attack. her husband was there, my dad was there and all of the people that they had grown up with. her husband is a fire fighter and immediately went into rescue mode to try and save her but could do nothing. i'm fighting back tears right now remembering my dad telling me this story and him not being able to fight his. this was my mother's best friend, a woman i've known my entire life, a woman who was a character and a half and someone who is terribly, terribly missed. after decided to stay with my sister for a few more days so at least we all could be together while my dad helped their family, my mom and i flew home to immediately drive to the church to attend a funeral. the whole chain of events still makes me sick to relive, even two years later. while we were in arizona, i never had a moment alone to deal with this. i was either with my mom, with my sister or with both of them. i believe we were meant to be there when this tragedy occured. i don't think my mom could have handled it here, i don't think my sister would have coped well alone and well, i'm not sure about myself. i believe i was there to be the rock for both of them. so i returned, attended the funeral and never dealt with her death appropriately.
may 2006. our dog we had had since i was in middle school passed away. now, some of you may not be animal people but myself and my family consider animals to be a part of our family. this grouchy, overweight little crank of a dog was family and had been sick for a long time. she passed on her own, fortunately, and has never ever been forgotten. i helped my dad bury her in the backyard that day after watching him hold her in his arms and sob. it still breaks my heart. i try and remember the good memories with her and we still joke about her stinky farts and attacking the birds but i'll always have that sad day stuck with me.
july 2006. i met the man i married. the weekend following that, my granny passed away in a nursing home with my mom by her side after ten years of slowly dying of emphysema. we flew my sister home and buried her a few days later. my granny was the most awesome woman. her 'i don't give a sh*t about what anybody else thinks' attitude was something i've always admired. i miss her more than i let on. she was one of the few in my family that i truly felt i could tell anything to. i heard a woman a while back walking past and starting coughing as my granny had for so many years. it was so bittersweet. i miss that cough but that cough is what took her away so early. my papa is one of the most tenderhearted men i have EVER encounted. just as we all are, he is still grieving so much. in his little house, all he had left of his wife, my granny, was her devil cat, peaches.
fast forward. lots. after the barrage of death, i went into therapy but quit too early i believe. i got caught up in the middle of love - something i'd never truly experienced. i began cohabitation and within a year and a half, was married to a gem of a man. six months after falling in love with him, his mother unexpectedly passed away a story i can't emotionally afford to dredge up today. again, i became a rock and never dealt. and i'm now in a position where these unresolved feelings of grievance and saddness are coming back to haunt me. esp since yesterday.
yesterday morning at work my mom's cell phone rang and the screen read 'daddy'. now, she calls her dad daddy (i call him papa) and i call my daddy (her husband) daddy so i wasn't quite sure which daddy was calling but i answered since she was in the back of the office. it was my papa and i could barely understand what he was saying he was crying so much. i asked if everything was ok and he just replied 'no' and cried harder. i was so frightened and saddened to hear him crying like he was. it broke my heart into a million pieces just hearing him like that. turns out, the reason for his outburst of heartache was that he had to put down peaches, the one thing still linking him to granny. papa is more of an animal lover than anyone i know combined. he is now alone in his house. truly alone. it makes me so sad. and it has made us all relive losing granny and now that one (even if it was demonic) connection left to her is gone.
last night i had a terrible, terrible dream. all i really remember was that one set of my grandparents was renewing wedding vows (each set has one deceased partner in real life) so there was much commotion and excitement in the air. i then was informed that in three separate instances that day, my mom, my husband and someone else (whom i remembered in the dream and was very upset about but can't recall who now) had all died in car accidents. the day was so important though that there was no time for worrying about the deaths or feelings and we had to brush that aside to finish preparing for the day's events. towards the end of the dream, i was walking towards a door and came upon my granny and my papa sitting in a couple of chairs. granny saw my pained face and i went to her and we had a very long, and very needed embrace. i smelt her. i felt her. she wasn't sick. there was no oxygen tank. she looked healthy. she felt healthy. and she was alive. i woke up shortly after.
my life is wonderful. i'm happily married, have a masters degree now (!), teach at a wonderful place, have lovely animals, work with my family, am successful in my mind with my creations but deep down i'm sad and depressed. i'm sad because life changed for me in the blink of an eye. i lost very important figures in my life quickly together, i live a partnered life now thus my one-on-one relationships seem to have suffered and i often feel like i rarely make the right decisions in regards to friendships which are wildly important to me. why am i whining so much today? because i can. because i don't feel like i have many that i can do this to face to face. everyone is busy with their own lives, they don't have time to listen to old stories that i can't get over. i'm sure some select few would take the time but they've heard it all before. i need to get it all out without verbal interruption, without someone nodding and sympathizing - i just need to say it to me. the weather is crap so perhaps that also has something to do with this onset of saddness. whatever it is, i'm ready for the seasons to change, for my heart to heal and for life to show me the good and happy that will outweigh the bad and sad.
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